peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls
by precarious mind
Summary: -AU-NARUHINA-SASUSAKU- With a pyromaniac for a roomate, a crush on his fellow schizo, and that peer counselor that just can't stop blushing, Naruto's stay in the teen ward of the local nuthouse proves to be anything but normal.
1. officious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(watch out for the poor attempts at symbolism and general idiocy)

(enjoy)

**x**

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…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**o**)(**n**)(**e**)

officious

**-**

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…

…

**x**

"Welcome to the Shady Leaf Treatment Facility! It's a pleasure to have you join us!"

I scowl at the lady. She's in all white, with a Practice-in-the-Mirror smile that makes me want to gag.

"Wish I could say the same."

"Naruto!" Iruka throws his elbow into my stomach, and I wince. The nurse looks all uncomfortable now.

(No wonder she only works the front desk. If she can't handle Normal Crazy, you can't expect her to deal with the Crazy Crazies in the back.)

"So," she starts again, while I frown and Iruka steps on my foot, "Can I, um, show you to your room?"

"No," I mutter. She wilts a little more.

Iruka shoves me with his hand now, in the back. "Yes, please," he says and gives her his warmest smile.

I drag my feet when she starts leading us, nice and slow. I feel like some stupid little kid.

We reach a door with a keypad on the side, and the nursecretarywhatever punches some numbers in before she opens it.

The smell of cleaning chemicals and disinfectant hits me like a tidal wave. All I can see is _white_.

"This is where you'll be staying," the lady says, all cheery.

God, the patients walking around look like _zombies_.

Iruka swallows. "Here?"

She starts leading us forward again. "Well, he'll be in the Teen Unit," she responds, like I'm not even there. "Where there are kids his own age. They're a great bunch, I'm sure everyone will get along just fine."

The evil smirk on her face tells me otherwise.

We reach another door, with another keypad, and more numbers get punched in. I hike my big orange backpack a little higher.

"Here we are," she calls, sweeping the door open.

I take a deep, deep breath, and step into my new place. Iruka does the same.

(Home sweet home.)

There are no patients out here. The smell is a little less strong and the walls are creamier than the other hall.

My feet sink into the oriental carpeting like mud.

The lady waves a vague hand through the air. "These rooms are all various things. The counselor offices, the separate first-aid center, the medication distribution, et cetera, et cetera, are all here."

We reach a corner, turn, and meet tiled floor. My beat up old sneakers make a dull echo, and I grip my backpack strap a little tighter.

The lady throws her hand up again. "These are the assigned rooms. Girls are on the left side of the hall, boys on the right. Girls posses single rooms while the boys have two beds to one room, opposite sides-"

"Wait," I blurt, eyes wide. Iruka puts a warning hand on my arm. "We have _roommates_?"

She's smiling wider than ever. "Yes, of course. We're a little short on space, and we make sure the two boarding together are compatible beforehand. No worries."

"Whoop-dee-doodle-doo," I mutter, as she keeps walking.

The last thing I need is more people to deal with.

Iruka looks around, takes everything in. "Um, Miss…?"

"Ah," says the lady, "Just call me Karin."

He nods. "Karin, then… Where are all of the other patients?"

"Everyone's currently at group therapy. It's a weekly thing we have with everyone." She gives me another wicked smirk that Iruka doesn't catch. "It's part of the _healing_ process."

I'm going to rip out her artificial tomato-colored hair by the roots.

"Oh. Isn't that nice, Naruto?" Iruka asks me, forever naïve. I snort.

We walk a little more, and suddenly Karin stops. She pulls out a key ring, sticks one in the doorknob of a random room, then another pad lock above it, and shoves the door open.

It's blank, and cold, and empty. Only one of the beds is made.

"This is where you'll be staying. Room Seven." She points towards the messy-ish bed. "That belongs to your roommate."

I step in, with Iruka at my side, and gulp. Not even a window.

"Down the hall," Karin continues, ignoring any discomfort, "is the Rec. room, as well as the Cafeteria. You will be given a schedule regarding your daily activities, which will be with your roommate, the female with your corresponding room number, and your assigned counselor. You will also be given the standard issued hospital uniform."

She snatches my backpack from my shaking hands, and smiles some more. "Regulation. No outside objects or clothing. I'll have to confiscate this."

Iruka looks a little ticked off. "I can take it for him," he offers, holding his hand out.

Karin hands it over, reluctant. I don't even look back at them. I walk farther into the small room, dark and shadowed and _not my home_.

She looks between us from behind her plastic-framed glasses, and takes a step out of the room. "I'll leave you to yourselves for a bit and grab you a uniform. But, I regret to inform you, it will have to be _quickly_."

Her sharp heels click away. Iruka takes a step forward.

I take a step away. "See ya," I say curtly. I jump back onto my new bed, and close my eyes for a second.

The mattress feels like rock.

He stares down at the floor. "Naruto, please don't feel upset with me… I'm only doing this to _help_ you." He looks up the same time as I do.

"Iruka, you're having me _committed_. How am I _supposed_ to feel?"

He shakes his head, and takes another step forward. "I don't have a choice. Naruto, you attacked a boy at school. He's still in the hospital."

I snort, roll over so that I'm staring at the eggshell colored wall. "I told you I don't even remember doing that."

"And you started strangling the neighbor's cat."

"Don't remember. But I'm sure the demon spawn deserved it."

"You had three mental breakdowns in the past month."

"Can't recall."

"You were talking to yourself in your room every day for a week when I came home from work."

"That's news to me."

"This isn't a _joke_," he finally explodes, "It's your _life_! The _problem_ is that you don't remember. The _problem_ is that you did all of these things subconsciously. The _problem_ is that you won't accept the fact that you may be mentally ill!"

I sit up, quick as a flash, and turn towards him. "You think I don't know that? You think I didn't hear every kid in school make fun of me when my back was turned? That I'm under the impression that I'm _normal_? I understand that I'm a _problem_," I spit out, "but getting rid of me won't solve your own."

I turn away again, and hear Iruka sigh. "Naruto…"

I hear the high heels clicking their way over before her voice reaches my ears. "Mr. Umino, sir, I apologize. But it's time to leave. I promise, we'll take good care of your son."

I sit up again, avoid his eyes.

"I'm not his son," I say, my heart stinging. _I'm just his __**problem.**_

There's silence for a moment.

"Sir…?"

"Goodbye, Naruto," I hear Iruka's voice tremble, and I shrink a little.

His footsteps fade away after lingering by the door for a minute.

I take a very, very shaky breath.

Something is thrown in my face. "Change in the bathroom connected to your room."

I look down at the pile of light blue in my lap and get up like a robot.

The bathroom is tiny and bare except for a small sink and toilet bowl. I shed my bright neon tee shirt and slip on the uniform. I do the same with my jeans.

"You can continue wearing your own shoes," I hear Karin call from outside the door.

The uniform is stiff and uncomfortable, with long pants and short sleeves that nearly reach my elbow. It rustles when I move.

I step out and hand my old clothes, my old _life_, over to the sadist in front of me. She shoves them in a garbage bag she's holding.

She smirks that wicked little smirk.

"Welcome to Shady Leaf," she chimes again. This time, it sounds more like a jail sentence.

**x**

I'm led to the Recreation room, with more of the squishy oriental rug, and a few pieces of oddball furniture. There's a T.V., some scattered board games, tables, art supplies, a radio that's probably seen better days, and an ancient gaming system.

I pick a big purple armchair, the one with the least holes, and sink into it.

Karin leaves after babbling for a while, talking about stuff I wasn't listening to. I sit there for what feels like forever.

Then it happens. I hear _Him_.

_**Abandoned again? Pity.**_

My eyes go wide. _He_ hasn't said anything for a week now, and I've gotten used to it, and slightly _happier_.

_**It seems you're meant to be alone.**_

I clutch both sides of my head and bend over. _Shut up shut up shut up-_

_**I'll never leave.**_

_Get away._

_**I'll **_**always**_** be here.**_

_Leave me alone._

_**I'll always be a part of you.**_

_Get out of my head!_

_**I'll always be Kyuubi. I'll always be your darker side.**_

"_No_!"

My eyes snap open. There is a crowd, small and happy, walking right past the open room and towards another. It's like I'm not even here.

I take a few more seconds to remember the art of regular breathing before standing up and joining them.

I get pulled into a Cafeteria that's reminiscent of my old high school. There are less people, but all of them look about my age.

I turn my head from this side to that, looking, searching, learning. I can't imagine all of these people being crazy.

I'm so into everything that I don't even notice the two people standing in front of me. I walk straight into one of them.

"Oof!" I stumble back, my nose catching the scent of smoke and flames from the kid. I look up at him. He's a few inches taller than me.

He's got blue-black hair, pale skin, and opens his mouth to speak when I'm suddenly thrown backwards, a hand at my throat and a warm breath on my face.

"_**Apologize.**_" The voice is hard and rough, but silky at the same time.

I stare into the face of the person holding me up by my neck. It's a _girl_.

She has misty green eyes, and short pink hair. Her hand feels like an iron claw.

I let out a pathetic choking noise and try pushing her death grip away. My vision blurs at the edges. I can't _breathe_.

"Sakura." This voice comes from behind the girl, and I put it with the guy I just bumped into. The girl lets me go, and I fall onto the floor coughing. When I look up, she's rubbing the back of her head sheepishly and offering me a hand. I take it.

She yanks me up with brutal strength, so that I stumble a little before straightening. When my eyes focus, the two of them are gone.

I rub my neck. "Wha…?"

"It looks like you just survived your first encounter with Sakura's double personality. Congrats."

I flip around. A boy is standing there, with weird red tattoos on his cheeks and messy brown hair. He's holding some old stuffed animal in his right arm.

He chuckles. "Name's Kiba." He extends his hand.

I flinch. Then I remember I'm supposed to shake it.

"Naruto," I say back. I stare down at the beaten toy.

He catches me, and lifts it up. It's a white dog, missing one of its eyes.

"And this little guy," he says, petting it on the head, "is Akamaru."

"Oh." I blink.

He grins, sharp canines glinting, and stuffs the dogtoything into his shirt so that its head pokes out of the collar. He grabs my wrist and drags me towards one of the few tables.

"You're eating with us," he tells me.

"Oh." I blink again.

I'm pushed into a plastic chair. Kiba sits in the one next to me.

The guy from before is sitting across from me, and the girl is on his right. She waves at me like we're best friends.

There's another girl on the guy's left, stick-thin and platinum blonde. She scowls at me, and pushes her lunch try away. A chubby boy with weird brown hair on her left eagerly takes it and shovels it down. There are three empty seats.

Kiba points at me, and everyone looks up.

"This," he proclaims, "is Naruto. The newbie!"

The skinny girl glares at me. "_He's_ Sai's replacement?"

Who's Sai?

The girl that nearly killed me- who I now notice is very, very pretty- pokes the quiet guy in the arm.

"That means he's boarding with you, Sasuke!"

The kid gives me a flat look.

"Hn."

Hn?

The pretty girl claps her hands together. "And that means he's in our group! Cool!" She turns to me, nodding, like she didn't just strangle me. "You'll like Kakashi."

Kakashi?

She continues, "He's our counselor. He's always late, and a total pervert, but he's fun and he treats us like we're normal."

I cross my arms, narrow my eyes. "I _am_ normal."

The Sasuke-guy lifts an eyebrow. I already don't like him.

The blonde girl rolls her eyes. "That's what they all say."

Kiba jumps up before I can respond. "Time for introductions!"

I look over at him. "Do you have ADD or something?"

Then I realize that's a pretty stupid question to ask in a mental hospital. They all look at me for a second, and then Kiba continues.

He points to my assailant from earlier. "That's Sakura. She's real sweet, but her other personality is like some violent psycho. You're lucky Sasuke was there."

He points at the guy I don't like. "That's Sasuke. He's a pyromaniac. Oh, and he's the only one who can control the _evil_ Sakura." He leans down so that he's milliliters away from my ear. "They're both totally possessive of each other. So don't go hitting on Sakura or anything." He pauses. "Or Sasuke. Whatever."

Kiba sits up straight again as I glare at him. He points to the girl with the attitude. "That's Ino. She refuses to eat."

Ino sniffs and turns her face away. She's real pretty too. But the resemblance to a toothpick is kind of a turn-off.

Next, Kiba points to the kid that's inhaling his food like oxygen. "That's Chouji. He can't stop eating. Since he's got the opposite problem from Ino, they compliment each other real well."

Next he gestures to the three empty chairs. "That's normally where Shikamaru, Shino, and Hinata sit. They're peer counselors, 'cause they're our age. So they only _work_ here. You know, sane. "

My brain hurts.

I blink, dazed, and finally look around at the table.

No one is really paying any mind to me. Kiba pounces on his food, and places Akamaru on the table next to his tray. I swear, that one-eyed thing is staring right at me.

Maybe I am crazy.

Sakura's chatting away, while Sasuke only nods or grunts. Ino is staring at Chouji like he's some kind of animal.

I zone everything out. I pretend nothing's really there, until I only see blurs of color and hear a dull droning noise, and I make believe that I'm home again.

I don't belong here. I don't belong here. I don't- 

"Hey, aren't you going to eat something?"

Earth comes crashing down and wraps around me again, just in time for me to see Sakura looking at me with her head tilted.

"I'm not hungry," I grumble, the first time I think I've ever said that when it was true.

She only smiles at me, and plucks a bright red apple right out of Sasuke's hand. He glares at her, but only a little.

"Here," she says, pushing the fruit into my face.

"I don't want it," I tell her, getting annoyed.

She frowns. "Take it," she insists, shoving it forward until I feel the apple brush against my skin.

"I don't want it," I say again, my voice rising a little.

"Just take it."

And I burst.

"_**No**__! I don't want the fucking fruit!_" I shout, and use the back of my hand to knock the offer right out of her hand. It bounces on the table twice and starts rolling towards the end.

The entire Cafeteria is dead silent. Sakura looks at me for a second, turns, and runs straight out of the room. Everyone's eyes are on me.

The silence is so heavy, and I feel like such an idiot, still standing and not looking the least bit guilty.

Sasuke suddenly gets up, his chair making a scraping noise, and catches the apple right as it's rolling off the edge of the beaten table. He rubs it on his shirt, walks over to my seat.

He shoves it into my chest as he passes me. My hands grab it, instinct.

"It's still good," he murmurs, like a falling pin in the quiet room.

He walks out the door. And I stare at the apple in my hands.

With Sasuke's departure, the volume in the Caf. rises again, if only slightly softer. I take my seat. I'm still looking at the apple.

"You're an ass," I hear Ino growl, and then Kiba shush her.

My eyes never leave the apple.

I excuse myself, finally, the fruit hanging from my hand.

I reach my room, throw open the door, toss the apple onto the lone nightstand, jump onto the bed-that-isn't-mine, and close my eyes.

**x**

When I wake up, the door is opening, and it's dark in the room. Even the hall lights aren't on. Sasuke walks in.

He doesn't even look at me. I feel lower than dirt.

He just lies on his own bed. I must have slept through the rest of the afternoon and dinner, if it's already lights out, and I didn't even have breakfast this morning with how jumpy my stomach was.

When I'm sure my roommate is asleep, I kick the wall nice and hard.

"This is the worst day ever," I growl.

"Of course you would say that. It's your first day."

I turn over on my bed, but its too dark to see. He was never sleeping.

I sigh, and turn onto my back. "You're first day was the hardest too?" I ask.

"No."

I blink. "Huh?"

"The first night is much worse."

I don't really get it, but I don't push.

Thirty minutes later, and I'm still not asleep.

An hour, and I'm still tossing and turning.

Two hours, and I've just given up and resigned myself to lying on my back and staring at the ceiling.

The bed is too tough. The pillow is lumpy. The outfit itches. Everything smells like disinfectant. I miss my room. It's too warm. It's too cold. And I'm _hungry_.

Without a second thought, I reach blindly towards the small nightstand, fingers searching. They meet the smooth skin of the apple, and I immediately grip it.

Sitting up and licking my lips, I take one big bite.

And I've never tasted anything sweeter.

**x**

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**-PM-**


	2. parsimonious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(my birthday was on Wednesday. im now fifteen. ugh. _andandand_ this chapter has title explanations.)

(thanks for the feedback)

**x**

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**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**t**)(**w**)(**o**)

parsimonious

**-**

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**x**

I'm four again, bouncing in the backseat of our family car. My mom is making faces at me on the rearview mirror- _objects may be closer than they appear_- and my dad is smiling while he turns the dial on the radio.

I frown when he reaches that stupid classical station. My mom turns away, and lifts an eyebrow.

She looks at him with eyes identical to mine.

"Are you serious, Minato? Is this _Beethoven_, or something?"

He laughs lightly. "No, I honestly have no clue what it is."

She sighs, and runs a hand through her lengthy red hair. "You moron."

He looks back at me, his carbon copy, and then over at my mom. "Kushina," he warns.

She waves a dismissive hand. The other reaches for the small black dial on the dashboard radio. "So, Naruto… What do you want to listen to?"

I catch my lip between my teeth and think. "Whatever Daddy wants to listen to."

"Um. No. Something that won't pollute your mind."

"Kushina."

"Yeah, yeah. Beethoven it is then."

I giggle.

Minutes pass. The soft sound of a piano fills the car, and we all pretend it isn't putting us to sleep.

And then the gasoline truck in front of us bursts into flames and swerves across the highway.

"LOOK OUT!"

And my dad jerks the steering wheel, my seatbelt straining, but we hit it anyway.

Flames surround us.

There's screaming. It might be me, and my mom.

Orange tongues lick at my skin and leave marks. My seatbelt is stuck. It's getting hard to breathe. My vision goes blurry, and I'm crying.

(_"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up!"_)

Then there's the wailing of the ambulance and police cars, flashing lights-

(_redblueredblueredbluered_)

(_"Wake up!"_)

-and my world comes crashing down like the glass ball that it is.

**x**

"_Naruto, meet your new foster family. They're here to take care of you now."_

(get the hell away from me you worthless piece of_-)_

"_No. I want Mommy and Daddy."_

_(-_before I ring your neck_-)_

"_Honey, they aren't here…"_

_(-_nobody wants you nobody cares about you nobody loves you_-)_

"_I…I w-want Mommy and Daddy! I swear I'll be good! I'll listen to Daddy's music and I won't yell back at Mommy, I promise! Just let me see them!"_

_(-_**nobody**)

"_Naruto, they're gone…"_

_"N-no…I want…they can't be…I miss…"_

I quite literally burst awake, falling in a heap on the tiled floor with my legs tangled and my head spinning. The world's been tilted even more on its axis.

I think I'm going to be sick.

"Stupid, stupid nightmares. Stupid stupid _stupid_!"

My breathing uneven, I yank my legs from the mess of sheets and smash my fist on the floor with a satisfying thud. I ignore the dull ringing going though my hand. I sit up.

The room is empty, and it's light again.

I look next to my crossed legs, and see the apple core from the night before. With nothing better to do, I stare at it, pick it up, stare some more, and then chuck it behind the head of my bed.

I stand. My stomach gurgles.

"Food."

I stumble out of the room, cranky as can be, and into the hallway.

It's deserted. I lick my lips.

The door across the hall is open and there are voices coming through. Isn't that supposed to be Sakura's room? I tiptoe over there and peek around the doorway.

Sakura's sitting on the edge of her bed, borderline hyperventilating. Sasuke's next to her.

I frown.

"My God. I really just don't know what to do anymore," she says.

Sasuke stays quiet.

"I…I'm losing control more easily now. It's scaring me. My _God_. Yesterday, in the Cafeteria, when that Naruto kid slapped the apple out of my hand…"

She takes a deep breath and chokes.

"…I almost _lunged_ at him, Sasuke. I wanted to snap his neck, or gouge his eyes out, and I just had to _run_ before I did anything…there _must_ be something wrong with me…"

He puts a hand on her shoulder and makes her look him in the eyes. Something stirs in my stomach. I tell myself it isn't jealousy. I'm just hungry.

"There's _nothing_ wrong with you."

She breaks down, and throws her arms around his neck to cry into his shoulder.

"Sasuke, I…I just…" She shakes her head, and hugs him tighter.

I've eavesdropped enough. I turn away, and quietly leave.

I'm not so hungry anymore.

**x**

I shove my way into the Caf. with a scowl on my face and march over to the lunch line. I pick up a white Styrofoam tray (no hard plastic for the dangerous crazies) and grumble things under my breath.

I am not a morning person.

Some disgusting bowl of gray porridge. A small cup of neon green Jell-O. A carton of juice. And an apple.

When I reach the end of the small island hosting the typical hospital food, there's a lady standing there with cropped black hair and a sweet smile the makes my lips twitch. She's holding a big purple bowl.

In it, there's about a hundred peppermint candies.

She plucks one off the top and drops it onto my tray.

"Hello there," she says. "My name's Shizune. I'm a nurse here, and I suppose you're the new boy everyone's talking about."

I only nod. "Uh… What's with the mints?"

"Oh," she says, handing one to the kid behind me. "We give them out every morning. They're for a _fresh start_."

…Oh.

How lame is that?

"Right," I drawl out, and walk away.

I find the same table as yesterday. Kiba's there, along with Ino and Chouji, and two guys I don't recognize. Neither of them is wearing uniforms. Only street clothes, with nametags glinting from their chests like a cop badge.

Kiba's busy trying to force-feed his stuffed dog some lumpy oatmeal, so I take the liberty of introducing myself.

"Hey," I nod, "My name's Naruto."

The one with a high collar and sunglasses only nods. His tag says _Shino_.

The other guy has his eyes shut and a spiky ponytail. _Shikamaru._

"The loudmouth," he says, yawning.

I grit my teeth.

"COME _ON_, AKAMARU! EAT YOUR BREAKFAST IF YOU WANT A TREAT!"

"Good morning, everyone!" a voice chirps just as I'm biting into my apple.

It's Sakura. Her hair looks nice today.

Oh, yeah. Sasuke's here too.

They sit down. I'm suddenly nervous, and everyone at the table turns to look at me.

I take a big gulp of my fruit punch. It burns my throat and I wonder if the acid concentration in it is legal.

The pressure getting to me, I take a deep breath. I open my mouth to apologize-

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

I blink.

Wasn't _I_ supposed to say that?

Sakura bites her lip. "I shouldn't have tried to force you. I know I can be annoying at times. So, I'm sorry."

She smiles.

And I can't help but smile back.

"Hey, there's Hinata!" Kiba's voice drags me back into the Hell that is reality.

There's a girl walking over, small and cute. Her hair is long and so dark it's almost purple. Her eyes are the lightest shade of silver I've ever seen. Her skin is pale, and her street clothing is modest.

She twiddles her fingers when she reaches the table.

"H-hello everyone."

I look up at her. Our eyes meet.

Her face turns the brightest and most dangerous shade of magenta possible before she looks away.

Am I really _that_ intimidating?

"This," Kiba proclaims, "is Naruto! That new kid. And Naruto, this is one of the peer counselors, Hinata. She works with Shikamaru and Shino." He grins. "She's our own little stutterbug."

Hinata peeks up at me through her bangs, catches my eye, and immediately stares back down.

"I-I have to go now!" she squeaks, before scurrying away like a mouse. Kiba blinks before shoving more oatmeal onto Akamaru's snout. I shrug.

"What's with her?" Chouji asks, looking around.

Ino rolls her eyes. "Men," she says. "They're all clueless."

I don't get it.

When I finish my apple, I unwrap my little swirl of a mint and pop it into my mouth.

And, _God_, does it taste great.

"So Naruto, did you have a good sleep last night?" Sakura asks me over her bowl of mush.

I grin so wide that my face feels like it's splitting. "Yeah," I lie.

Sasuke snorts. I glare. And Sakura clears her throat.

"That's good. I know it takes some getting used to, but this place really isn't all that bad."

"Speak for yourself," Ino calls, glaring at her untouched food.

Chouji chuckles and slurps down another carton of milk.

I scrape my canine against the mint in my mouth.

"THAT'S IT AKAMARU! IF YOU WON'T EAT, THEN YOU DON'T GET A TREAT!"

Oh, yeah. Not bad at all.

**x**

When Sasuke and Sakura are done eating, they lead me out of the Cafeteria and right to the Rec. room. They sit on a plaid couch- loveseat, room for only two- and I go over to the same armchair from yesterday.

Sakura yawns and rests her head on Sasuke's shoulder, and their hands are together, fingers laced. I look away.

"So," I murmur awkwardly, "What are we supposed to do now?"

She jolts, like she forgot I'm sitting right here.

"Oh. Wait for Kakashi."

I nod, and look over at the other patients filing from the Caf. with their counselors beside them.

Kiba walks out, with people I don't recognize. A girl with sharp looking eyes and her hair in two small brown buns, a boy with long hair and the same eyes as Hinata, and an older lady with redred contacts- at least, I think they are- and pale skin.

Then comes Chouji and Ino, a kid with a bowl cut, bug eyes, and eyebrows like caterpillars. His carbon copy skips next to him, their counselor, with the tightest and most disgusting green_spandex_stretchy suit I've ever seen.

More people, Shikamaru, Shino, more people, and Hinata.

I yawn, sink lower in my seat, have a staring contest with a painting of a puppy on the wall facing me.

Minutes pass.

Sakura falls asleep. Sasuke's looking up at the ceiling.

God. I'm so _bored_.

"Uh, hey."

He looks over at me, and I shiver a little.

His eyes are really dark. Black, almost. It weirds me out.

"How long have you been here?"

He lifts an eyebrow and shrugs. "Long enough."

Wow. Vague, much?

"Oh. And you're, uh…a py-vo-something, right?"

"Pyromaniac."

"Right. What's that mean again, exactly?"

I feel like such an idiot.

"…I like setting things on fire."

Okay. Remind me not to get on his bad side within reach of a lighter.

"Funny."

I blink. I say, "Oh, crap. I said that out loud."

"No shit." I rub the back of my neck. "What do you have?"

I look up. I haven't told anyone yet, have I?

"I…um…"

Say it. _Say it_.

"Er…"

He lifts an eyebrow. Sakura shifts on his shoulder, and I notice she's fully awake now.

"…uh…"

Say it.

"Ah, hello everybody!"

A distraction. My head nearly snaps off my neck as I whip it around to stare. There's a guy standing at the wide door, with sweatpants and a baggy tee shirt.

He's got pepper colored hair, all swept to one side and held up by hope and prayer. He's wearing an eye patch, and some weird medical mask over his nose and mouth.

God. These people are sure winners.

The new person, probably in his thirties, saunters over to us holding some sort of orange book. On the front cover is a disclaimer.

**_18 YEARS AND OLDER ONLY_**

Pervert.

"You're late," I say, brow furrowed.

He blinks lazily and looks me up and down. "Well, if you _must_ know, my car broke down in the middle of a busy intersection and I had to hijack a bus."

He cocks his head. "And you must be Naruto."

"Well, duh."

His eye crinkles up into a happy arc. "I already don't like you."

I twitch.

He keeps smiling.

"Hi, Kakashi!" Sakura calls happily.

My twitching stops, and I feel my cheeks get warm. Kakashi gives me a knowing look before he turns around.

"Hello, Sakura. Sasuke."

"Hn."

"Now. Schedule time. Hm." He looks through countless pockets. "Hm hm hm. Now where'd I put it…?"

Sakura rolls her eyes. "You left it in the office. So you wouldn't lose it, remember?"

"Of course! Just a moment then." He scurries away and down the hall.

Sasuke snorts the same time as I do.

**x**

Apparently, the schedule was not in the office.

We're walking down a hallway when I ask, "Didn't you guys memorize it already?"

"No," Sakura answers, "They're a new thing."

"Why?"

"Because Orochimaru likes having control over things."

I look over at Sasuke. "Who's Orochimaru?"

"A man that has joint ownership over the hospital. He's attempting to purchase the other half as well," Kakashi says instead.

"So he can try out his experiments on us," Sasuke says boredly. "We're his lab rats."

"Sasuke," Kakashi says warningly.

He shrugs. "It's true."

We reach a door. Sakura pushes it open eagerly.

Sunlight shines, bright as headlights, and I have to shield my eyes.

It's a field. With dead, brown grass. Small. A chain link fence around it.

But, after years of this place-

Sasuke's smirking and Sakura's giggling and Kakashi is looking at the two of them with a smile that makes his eye wrinkle

-I guess it looks a little like freedom.

**x**

…

…

…

-

**-PM-**


	3. devious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(le sigh. FF has taken away my creative formatting of dots and dashes for my title breaks. how sad.)

(on an unrelated note: zomg. _Atonement_ is the shet.)

**x**

…

…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**t**)(**h**)(**r**)(**e**)(**e**)

devious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

I used to have this spawn of a foster brother called Konohamaru. He was a few years younger than me, just lost his Grandpa to the disease known as Old Age, annoying as all hell, and hero-worshiped me like I was a gift from God. I found it funny.

And it was nice, being acknowledged for something other than pity or fear.

"Naruto," he would say to me. "What's it like?"

He always asked this when I took him to the dirty little playground near our shack of a foster home and gave him a while on one of the good swings; arms eagle spread and face looking up as the air whooshed past him.

"What's _what_ like?" I would always ask back, giving him another push.

(_higher higher higher I wanna reach the sky_)

Konohamaru would dig his heels into the ground to stop his swinging and grin impishly.

"_Flyin'_, o'course."

I would grin back, _smile like a fox_ Foster Mom of the Month said, and jump onto the swing next to him.

"Let's find out."

And we would soar.

**x**

When we seat ourselves on a patch of dirt in the middle of the pathetic clearing, I try very hard no to show any disgust.

_Don't look a gift horse in the mouth_ is something Iruka always says.

Iruka. Now I feel guilty. And homesick.

Ugh. I hate this place.

"Naruto?" I hear Sakura ask.

…Maybe it isn't all that bad.

I look over at her, smiling. "Hm?"

She's tugging at a blade of yellow grass, cross-legged and staring at me determinedly. Sasuke is next to her, eyes yet again upward and resting with his hands on the dirt behind him.

I have Kakashi next to me. He's reading his pervert book again.

"You never got a chance to finish before. Why is it that you're here?"

"I'm…uh…"

Sakura's head is cocked with an evil glint in her pretty eyes, Sasuke's flipping a cheap plastic lighter that he got from who-knows-where, and Kakashi is giggling into the pages of his book.

Because saying I hear a voice in my head is _so_ difficult among these people.

I set my shoulders straighter and hold my chin high. "Just your average schizo. Like you."

While Sasuke and Kakashi remain oblivious to my little confession, Sakura seems amused.

She lets out a dark chuckle.

"_**Pathetic**_."

And Physco's back to play.

"_**You're nothing like me**_."

She lunges forward again, hands scrambling for my throat, smile crooked, and I fall back into the grass, because _what the heck did I do to deserve that random episode directed at me?_

"Sakura."

As if pulled back by invisible strings, she pauses. Head swiveling around while my heartbeat still thumps like a pulsating racecar, her gaze turns to Sasuke, who hasn't even looked up from his flickering lighter.

He even has the grace to look surprised when she socks him in the face, hissing a small "_**Fuck you**_," before collapsing.

Silence.

Homesick is an _understatement_.

A hand clamps onto my shoulder, firm as Sakura's strangle hold, and I wince before realizing it's only Kakashi now behind me.

Sasuke's fingering the deep red splotch on his white skin in mild disbelief. The lighter lies in a patch of nearby weeds like a neglected child.

Kakashi walks forward and scoops Sakura- tinylittleSakura with the strength of a mammoth- up in his arms before looking at the two of us.

"Stay here." And then to Sasuke. "I'm bringing her to Dr. Tsunade. And I suppose you could use an ice pack of some sort…"

He strolls off.

My breathing is still heavy. "Eh?"

Sasuke's playing with his lighter again, eyebrows creased.

**x**

We're sitting there for God knows how long, in total silence, when the door of the building opens again.

Out walk Kiba, the boy and girl and woman that were with him before, and Hinata.

The woman, obviously their counselor, looks at the two of us with her redred eyes.

"What are you two doing out here unsupervised? Where's Kakashi?"

I glance over at Sasuke, and notice that the mysterious lighter has disappeared. "Sakura had an…episode," he answers. "Kakashi took her to Tsunade."

The lady sighs as my fellow wackies take a seat beside us in the grass, Hinata standing off to the side and looking uncomfortable.

"Hello," calls the counselor, smiling at me and taking Kakashi's previous spot, and I notice her creepy eyes flicker to Sasuke's forming bruise for a second before resting on me and I grin back as widely as possible before turning to the unknown patients.

"Hi," chirps the girl with the buns, eyes like brown velvet. "The name's TenTen!"

She points to the boy with long hair and eyes like Hinata, "And that's Neji," next she points to the counselor, "And that's Kurenai," finally, she points over at Hinata who has yet to sit down, and Kiba who is _barking_ beside her. "And that's-"

"Hey, Hinata," I call before TenTen can finish, and I swear I hear her squeak before her head ducks down and she gives me a timid wave that's more like a slight spastic curl of the fingers.

Then, "Hi, Kiba." Wild eyes smiling, he only looks over at me before having a staring contest with Akamaru.

"Oh," TenTen says. "You guys met already."

I nod, the smile hurting my face.

Kurenai turns to Sasuke, who has yet to talk to anybody, but I guess they must be used to that.

"Why did Kakashi bring you guys out here? It's our time slot."

"Yeah," TenTen interrupts as if she is on a sugar high. "We're supposed to have the Pasture all to ourselves!"

"The Pasture?" I wonder out loud.

As if he hasn't heard me, Sasuke answers, "Kakashi lost the schedule."

Kurenai rolls her eyes. A sigh. "Typical," she murmurs. She turns to me. "The Pasture is what the patients tend to call this…" She searches for the right word. "…field," she finishes lamely.

"Oh."

Awkward silence.

That Neji kid is glaring at me. _What the hell?_ TenTen is bouncing where she sits. _Okay_. Kurenai looks tired. _Right._ Kiba's trying to make Akamaru roll over. _Whatever_. And Hinata-

_Jesus Christ._

She's sitting next to me. When did that happen?

I jump a little and she does the same. I let out a nervous laugh.

"Sorry," I tell her. "I didn't know you were there."

She nods furiously, eyes down and face the color of a fire truck.

Life is seriously warped.

**x**

It isn't until about ten minutes later that Kakashi opens the door and calls out for us to come in, and when I ask him what took so long, all he tells me is

"I got lost."

Riiight.

"How is she?" is what Sasuke asks, as Kakashi is leading us to the first hallway with the swirly carpeting that I sink into.

"No worries," our counselor answers vaguely.

Easier said than done.

We reach a door with a gold plate screwed into the white wall beside it, where big black bold letters say:

**DR. TSUNADE**

Egotistical, much?

Kakashi doesn't bother knocking, and we enter a small room with a desk and bookshelf and leather couch and all the typical office stuff. The only thing out of the ordinary is the woman that standing before us, looking guilty with a glass in one hand and bottle of vodka in the other.

She's pretty, but _old_ kind of pretty, with hazel eyes and blonde hair and the biggest chest I've ever seen.

She quickly attempts to hide the alcohol behind her back, face turning red from embarrassment or anger or annoyance. I snicker, and her glare turns to me.

"Kakashi," she seethes, eyes never leaving my face, "Who is this runt and why did you bring him with you?"

"Hey," I shout, offended, and point at her, "Who are you calling a runt, Grandma?!"

Her eye twitches. I have a feeling it's the first of many.

"Ah," Kakashi intervenes, stepping between us and scratching the back of his head. "This is Naruto Uzumaki. The new patient, remember?"

She lets out a pretentious sniff. "Hn."

The bottle and glass behind her back make a loud, resounding clicking noise, and my snicker gets caught in my throat so that it becomes a snort instead.

I get another glare. _Someone_ doesn't have a sense of humor.

Kakashi clears his throat, and Grandma sighs before putting the vodka and crystal glass on the corner of her desk. She picks up the long-necked bottle and takes a long swig of it, right in front of us. She wipes her lips with the back of her hand as I gape.

Isn't that illegal, or something?

"Right. Sakura should be fine. I upped her medication, and she's sleeping in her room right now, so don't disturb her."

Kakashi's eye crinkles. "Thank you, Dr. Tsunade."

"Yeah, yeah," she says, waving a dismissive hand and taking another long drink from the bottle. When she comes up for air, she continues, "Now get outta my sight, I've got paperwork to do."

Kakashi nods his head, eye still in a happy arc, and motions to the door. I go first, and Sasuke turns to leave too before Grandma calls, "Wait one second, Uchiha. I need to talk to you about something."

So Sasuke stays, while Kakashi and I step out of the room.

In the small sliver of space left by the semi-open door, I can see Sasuke with crossed arms, as Tsunade turns serious.

"Hey, no peeking," Kakashi calls airily. When I turn to look at him, his face turns a bit more serious. "It's really none of your business as of now."

I blink.

**x**

Lunch goes by with nothing really interesting happening, other than Hinata spilling her drink on me and running out of the room again, and Sasuke and Sakura not being there.

Afterwards, it's only me and Kakashi again, and since we have no schedule, we just go back to the Pasture and lie there. I think I fall asleep, because the next time I open my eyes the sun is low in the sky and Kakashi is standing up.

"Dinner time," he tells me.

So I go to the Cafeteria, and there are still two empty chairs, and this time Hinata doesn't show up either.

When I pop my mint into my mouth- with Ino ranting about how pointless eating really is, so why should she be forced to consume the stupid salad on her tray?- it is with a scowl.

**x**

I go straight to my room after I'm done eating, and hop onto my bed even though I'm not tired. Kiba told me today that after dinner, patients are given two hours of free time to do what they like, and then it's off to bed.

But I am just really not in the mood to socialize.

I lace my fingers behind my head, and for some reason I'm wondering how Konohamaru is doing. He was a strong kid, so he's probably fine. Probably.

Better off than me, too, I bet.

I've had other foster siblings. No one that really left a lasting impression. Gaara, maybe. But that kid was bat-shit insane. Ha. I should talk.

I've still got a small scar on my forehead from when I had to calm him down during one of his rampages.

I roll onto my side, eyes closing halfway. I hear laughter, and then the shushing of one of the nurses.

I'm about to fall asleep when the door opens and the room is flooded with light from the hallway. Sasuke walks in, rubbing his eyes, and the red mark on his face is already turning into a nasty bruise.

I sit up, Kakashi's words playing in my head. _It's really none of your business as of now._

I had asked him about it again, outside. All he said was _no worries_.

Sasuke sits on his bed, lies down, and stares at the ceiling.

"So," I begin awkwardly, "Er, have you seen Sakura yet?"

"No," he grunts out.

"Oh. Did that old doctor-lady have anything interesting to say?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh. Really?"

"Really."

"…Oh."

I wait a few more seconds before asking again, "Really?"

Sasuke rubs his face again, and sits up to look at me, face impassive. "Orochimaru is coming tomorrow."

"Ew," is the first thing I say, and when I realize how teenage-girly that sounded, Sasuke is already smirking.

We both lie down.

"So," I say after a few minutes. "You guys said that Orochimaru only owned half the hospital. Who has the other half?"

Sasuke lets out a tired sound that just might be a sigh. "My brother."

"You have a brother?"

"Hn."

I take that as the end of the conversation. Sasuke rolls onto his side so that he isn't facing me anymore.

I fall asleep, and do not dream.

**x**

I wake up in the morning and the other bed is empty yet again.

Yawning widely, I stretch and bend until I'm fully awake, and walk into the hallway. Today, Sakura's door is closed.

I make my way down to the Caf., and for some reason, everything smells even more of disinfectant and cleaning chemicals. There's this weird melancholy kind of feeling, and the chatter is down to a few hushed whispers.

When I walk in, nearly everyone looks scared and is sitting ramrod straight. I lift my eyebrow as I gather my food, and even Shizune's smile seems forced as she plops the peppermint onto my tray. It lands in my applesauce.

"What is _with_ everyone?" I say as I slam my tray onto the table, maybe a little too loudly because about a dozen heads from other tables whip around to stare at me.

Sasuke is already there, black-and-blue more apparent than ever, and Sakura is looking _miserable_.

No one else is at the table yet. I guess I'm early for once.

"I told you," Sasuke murmurs. "Orochimaru is coming today."

"So?" I prod, sitting and trying not to look at Sakura's _so_sadsadsad face.

"So, what?" Sasuke responds, and he sounds irritated. "He's coming."

Breakfast is eaten in silence, even as everyone else filters in. Kiba manages to remain as quiet as Akamaru.

I try and fail at least fifty times to start conversations. I'm always shushed into silence.

When Sasuke and Sakura and me are all done, we leave to wait for Kakashi in the Rec. room.

I cross my arms as I fall into my usual armchair, and Sakura still hasn't said anything.

"Jeez," I finally burst out. "What's so scary about this guy that has everyone all worked up? Huh? What's so _special _about him?"

"Naruto," Sakura finally mutters.

"I bet this Orochimaru guy is really just some pansy hiding behind cheap suits and money and crap," I continue, trying my best to lighten the mood. "Smoke and mirrors and cold, hard cash."

"Naruto," Sakura says again, and it sounds more like a warning. Sasuke sits up beside her, and glares at something over my shoulder, but I don't even _notice_.

"Greasy hair, probably. Greasy skin, too, maybe fat, no definitely fat, beady eyes, stubby fingers covered in rings…Am I right?"

"Partly," answers a slimy voice.

"Naruto," Sakura says a final time, and it comes out as a groan.

I turn around in my seat to see a man that can only resemble a snake. Slim, golden eyes, disgustingly pasty skin, long black hair that would make most girls jealous. His suit is expensive looking and a pale yellow, and he's wearing a light purple tie.

And for some reason, just looking at him makes me more scared than I've ever been.

"A pleasure to meet you," he mocks, voice like over-processed honey. "I'm Orochimaru."

A long, pink tongue comes out to lick his thin lips.

I feel a chill race updownup my spine. "Naruto," I say without thinking.

His smile is that of a sneaky businessman that you wouldn't trust as far as you could throw. "I know. Hello, Sakura, Sasuke. How are things?"

They glare at him.

"Hm. Well, if the three of you would follow me, Dr. Kabuto is waiting for you."

The two of them get up, and I do the same with as much reluctance as possible. Sakura is clutching Sasuke's arm as she glowers.

"Who's Dr. Kabuto?" I manage to whisper under my breath as we are brought to the first hallway again.

Sakura only shakes her head.

Orochimaru stops, and opens a door, and licks his lips as we enter what can only be described as an interrogation room. There's even one of those one-way mirrorwindowthings that you see on detective shows. Three chairs, set far away from each other, and even an idiot like myself can figure out that its so we are isolated from each other, because being next to someone gives people a sense of comfort and security and we can't have that in an _interrogation room_.

"Have fun," Orochimaru practically hisses before leaving and slamming the door shut behind him.

We each take a chair, and Sakura looks hesitant to let go of Sasuke.

The door opens again, and in the awful dim lighting I can see a man with silver hair and Harry Potter glasses. He almost looks nice.

And then he smirks, and I change my mind.

He clucks his tongue as he observes a clipboard for a ridiculously long amount of time, and then turns to Sakura.

"Had another meltdown yesterday?"

My eyes widen. That was kind of… blunt.

Sakura bites her lip, and whispers so tiny, "Yes," and I look over at Sasuke to see him glare harder than ever towards the man that must be Kabuto.

He nods. "Your worst yet, I see… You even hurt Sasuke, that's new."

"I didn't mean to."

"You just keep losing control, over and over. It's getting worse, can you see that? You may never get out of here."

I feel my eyes narrow.

"Don't you miss your family? Your mother is pregnant again, I hear. Don't you want to meet your new brother or sister? It really is sad, I suppose. Dr. Tsunade should consider putting you in isolation."

"Not again," she whispers, and I see Sasuke grit his teeth.

"I will be recommending it. It will do you some good, to be put in isolation, with the small room and the bed restraints. Or else you might hurt someone again, as _destructive_ as you can be."

"No," she says again, sounding upset, and I wonder if this has happened before.

"Yes," he says, flashing her a sweet smile. "Remember when why you're here? You hurt your mother, didn't you? And then your father, when he was trying to help you. You stabbed him, I believe… Goodness knows how he survived, with you going at it like an _animal_-"

Sasuke snorts, looking oddly composed, as Sakura begins to cry slightly, and Kabuto turns to him next.

"Something amusing, Sasuke?" he asks.

"Not at all," Sasuke responds, not even looking at him. "I'm just wondering who the animal really is."

Kabuto let's out a small "tsk" and flips to another page on his clipboard. He smiles.

"When was the last time you spoke with your brother, Sasuke? Not since you were fifteen, I believe, about two years ago?"

Sasuke shrugs. "So?"

Sakura wipes her eyes, and now it's her turn to glare at the man.

"How does it feel to know that he's just upstairs? That it's _your fault_ he's up there?"

Sasuke doesn't respond, and continues to glare.

"That it's your fault he _killed your parents_?"

I look over at him with wide eyes, then Sakura, who looks about ready to pounce.

"It isn't Sasuke's fault," she defends. "His brother isn't healthy!"

"On the contrary," Kabuto continues, looking highly amused with the situation, and I wonder just how sick he must be to _enjoy_ this. "He said he did it to protect you, didn't he Sasuke?"

He smiles again, looking down at the clipboard and then back up. "Did you know," he says, "That studies have shown that pyromania is sometimes linked with child abuse? Is that what your brother wanted to protect you from, Sasuke? Did your father _hurt you_ while your mother only _watched_?"

"Shut up," Sasuke manages to snap out, hands in fists at his sides. Kabuto lets out a small humming noise, and I think _Jesus Christ, this guy is disgusting_.

And then he turns to me.

"And how about you, Naruto? What secrets are you hiding?"

The anger and disgust and resentment in me are shoved down. I give him the widest grin I can muster, and very, very calmly, I lean forward in my seat and flash him the finger.

"Figure it out for yourself, _doctor_."

**x**

…

…

…

-

(the pyromania fact is a real thing. fer serious.)

(man, kabuto didnt come out as much of an ass as I wanted him to.)

-

**-PM-**


	4. precocious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(ive been off the fanfiction scene for a while, with school sucking the life out of me, and all that jazz.)

(some of the stuff you guys are confused about will be cleared up in this chapter.)

(rejoice)

**x**

…

…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**f**)(**o**)(**u**)(**r**)

precocious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

Foster care, as Iruka has put it so eloquently in the past, is like buying a lottery ticket. You either get next to nothing, or hit the jackpot.

Me, I never really got all that lucky.

I went through the system like a pinball, never staying in the same place for a while, always bouncing around. Ran away a couple times, never got past the corner store or Texaco station at the end of the street. Typical stuff.

The parents I got either ignored me, hated me, feared me, or loved me. Other than Iruka, I only got two semi-acceptable families. One was a young couple; the other was a sweet single mother trying to do some good.

The young couple were average looking, real mushy and loving. I went to an elementary school that wasn't quite so shabby, actually pretty nice, and didn't have many friends, 'cause I knew I'd be uprooted eventually.

I made the mistake of confiding in an older kid about Kyuubi. Bad idea.

He started beating me up, and I managed to keep the stupid voice in my head in check when he did. As sick and disgusting and wrong as it sounds, the stereotypical bullying almost made me feel normal. More human.

Well, the very nice foster couple figured it out when I started coming home with bruises and cuts and dirt smeared across my face. I ran out of excuses after about three weeks.

So, during one of the daily beating sessions that were becoming a ritual sport for all the kids in P.S.231, someone yanked the fat kid up by the collar, tossed him into a nearby dumpster, and shouted at each and every bewildered spectator.

(_why didn't you help him how long has this been happening do you enjoy watching him get hurt_)

It was my foster mom; decked out in a floral apron and yellow rubber gloves, her hair messy and face red, and my foster dad came jogging up to me a few seconds later to smile and said-

"_Knew you needed help."_

**x**

Kabuto's eyes slim down into slits and I'm almost scared about what he's planning to say. That is, until Kakashi bursts into the room.

And damn, does he look _pissed_.

"What the _hell_ are you trying to pull here, Kabuto?"

Ha.

Kabuto smiles, all white teeth, and responds, "This room is off limits to those without Orochimaru's consent."

"Don't even start with me." The lazy demeanor is all gone, Kakashi is no longer the care-free-slacker that I've gotten used to. He is _mad_. He continues, "I'll listen to that bastard when he actually owns the hospital. Until then, the two of you have no right to question the patients-"

"That isn't up to you, though, is it?"

This is like watching a car crash. Can't look away.

I haven't even realized that Sasuke and Sakura have gotten up to leave, and Kakashi turns abruptly to me. "Let's go," he says, and we go.

Kabuto is still smiling as the door swings closed.

**x**

We are sitting in the Pasture again, even though Orochimaru will be following everyone's schedules to make sure they abide by them.

Kakashi has dragged Sasuke off to the side. Me and Sakura are silent, both straining our ears.

"How long?" Sasuke's voice is carried over by the wind.

"One month."

Sakura taps me on the shoulder, shakes her head, and beckons me over a couple feet away.

"Yeah?" I ask, and smile again.

Her voice is soft. "I…What Kabuto was saying before…."

I hold my hand up, palm outwards. "Sakura, whatever. It's none of my business."

She shakes her head. "The thing is, it really is, Naruto. I was just wondering if you had any…questions?"

I don't like how uncomfortable she looks. A stroke of genius hits me. "How 'bout this?" I say. "I'll ask you about Sasuke, and ask Sasuke about you. That way you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

She bites her lip and nods uncertainly.

I clap my hands together. "Alright. Um…." I rack my brain and come up short.

Sakura stares at me questioningly, and this lasts for a while.

"Oh!" I finally say, snapping my fingers. "How does his brother own half the hospital if he's…you know, committed in it?"

She looks surprised. "He told you about that?"

I nod eagerly.

"Well," she clears her throat, "He might not own it for long. That's what Sasuke and Kakashi are talking about now, I guess."

"What'd you mean?"

"The court gave him a deadline. If he's declared mentally healthy by then, he won't lose ownership. If he isn't…"

"Orochimaru gains control of the whole hospital?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Which isn't good for anyone."

No, it really isn't.

Now I ask, "Why hasn't Sasuke seen his brother for two years?"

Sakura takes a deep breath. Crosses her legs. Stares at the ocean-blue sky. "Last time, Itachi attacked him. Tried to kill him, actually."

"Why?"

Her eyes meet mine. "He said it was to protect him."

Psh. Two crazies in one family, who would've thunk it?

"Hm," I say intelligently. The mood is getting a bit too solemn for my taste. A joke to lighten the mood, maybe? "What has Sasuke burned down? So far, I mean."

Instead of the light giggle I was expecting from her, I get a glare.

"Absolutely nothing."

My brow furrows.

"What do you mean nothing? That's why he's here, isn't it? Pyromania?"

She stands, and brushes the dirt from her pale uniform. "Sure. Sasuke likes looking at fire, I guess."

She begins to walk away towards Kakashi and Sasuke.

"But he's never burned anything down."

I sense a story behind this.

Is there scandal in mental hospitals?

**x**

It isn't until we go back into the Rec. room that I get an opportunity to snatch Sasuke for questioning.

Sakura and Kakashi are immersed in a (oh-so-riveting) game of chess that is boring me to tears, and Sasuke is staring at the wall in thought. I grab his sleeve and pull him into a corner, as far away as possible.

"What?" he snaps, yanking his arm away.

I explain the deal I made with Sakura, and he sighs. "Fine," he finally grumbles.

"Why does Sakura get so violent?" I ask, twice as eager as I was before.

"She's schizophrenic," he murmurs, and stares at the wall again. "She hears the voice in her head, it's violent, and it manifests itself sometimes. The medicine keeps her pretty sane, for the most part, except when the voice gets ahold of her."

"Oh." Kind of like me. "And her family…?"

He closes his eyes. "They come and visit. Sometimes. Pay her bills, make sure they're here for birthdays and holidays."

The millions of questions I had planned are all gone, except for a few that would be very dumb to ask her boyfriend, of all people.

"When did she come here?"

"About a year after me. She was thirteen, about." He smirks, immersed in something that I wasn't there for.

"Ah." Here goes nothing. "When did you two…?"

He gets my meaning. "We were both fifteen," he answers shortly. "Can I go now?"

He moves as if to walk away, and I snatch his sleeve again. "Not yet. Have some patience, bastard."

He rips his arm away again. "Then speed it up."

"Why haven't either of you been released yet? If their so short on space, like that nasty secretary told me on my first day, then they should be eager to put the two of you back out on the street with a bottle of pills and a 'come visit us soon'. You guys seem pretty healthy, for the most part."

His eyes lock with mine, and I can almost see an unnamed emotion in them. "That," Sasuke answers, "is the right question."

And he walks away.

Is everyone here frustratingly cryptic, or just the people I'm stuck with?

**x**

Orochimaru comes in a few minutes after the chess game ends. I don't yet know this, of course. I am asleep, and snoring quite loudly.

Sasuke elbows me in the side and I shoot up with a yelp and shout of, "DON'T EAT ME!"

Sakura has to hide her laugh behind her hand. Sasuke shakes his head.

Orochimaru is unamused, as is Kakashi.

"Something we can help you with?" he asks coldly.

"Just observing."

Kakashi snorts. "With the stunt you pulled this morning, you're lucky if we let you do that much."

"Are you threatening your superior, Kakashi?" God, his voice is so…. child-molester.

"Of course not." Our counselor's cheeriness is back.

"Dr. Tsunade has requested your presence in her office."

Kakashi's one visible eye narrows. "There's no way I'm leaving you alone with the-"

Orochimaru chuckles- it is dry, like old bones. "You don't seem to have a choice."

With a final glare, Kakashi leaves the room. It isn't until the echo of his footsteps fade that anyone speaks.

"So," Sasuke says surprisingly, "What do you really want, Orochimaru?"

I've never heard his voice so full of hatred. I don't know how he manages to find enough courage to speak like that to the freak in front of us.

Orochimaru smiles, as if he likes the condescending tone used. "Just to tell you this; I did not appreciate the interruption today. Nor do I find it productive in any way. Therefore, our next test will be with a device created by Kabuto, and you will not speak of it to Kakashi. Understood?"

Sasuke is standing now; there is some deep-seated hate there, from something else. "You can't just use us for your experiments you sick bas-"

Before he can finish, Orochimaru is across the room and slams him against the wall. Sasuke lets out a choking sound, Sakura gasps, and I let out a shout. Orochimaru's bony hand is curled around his throat.

_What the hell?_

I am frozen, and almost afraid that if I move or make a sound, Orochimaru will do the same to me.

Sasuke struggles, hands grasping at the one around his throat, and is losing color in his face.

"Stop it!" Sakura screams, taking a step forward. "You're hurting him!"

What do I do?

Orochimaru smiles and, of all things, leans forwards and slowly _licks_ the side of Sasuke's paling face with his long, disgusting tongue. "I do not like opposition, and you, Sasuke, seem to forget that quite often."

What do I do?

"You're hurting him you're hurting him you're hurting him YOU'RE HURTING HIM!"

What do I do?

Sasuke's knee comes up in a last ditch effort, and it connects, hard, with Orochimaru's stomach.

Sasuke falls to the ground, coughing, choking, and Sakura runs forward to help him as he clutches his throat, and Orochimaru, who is doubled over pushes her to the ground, looking so angry, and turns back to Sasuke, still coughing, and reaches for him again, and what do I do?

I'm still standing there. I have frozen.

Like watching a car crash.

Train crash.

Collision.

Boom. Flames. Lights flashing-

(_redblueredblueredbluered_)

(_knew you needed help_)

"…elp. Somebody help!"

Sakura is shouting.

_**Just gonna sit on the sidelines again, eh kit? Weak as always. Let me help you.**_

_No. Never again._

_**You need my help.**_

_NO. NEVER AGAIN._

_**He'll hurt the girl next.**_

_never again never again NEVER AGAIN_

_**YOU NEED ME.**_

I black out.

**x**

…

…

…

-

(wah. this came out too short.)

(beware the cliffhanger. dont kill me, please.)

-

**-PM-**


	5. rapacious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(totally into _Code Geass_ now. very reminiscent of _Death Note_.)

(wow. i don't think i got too many death threats for the cliffie last chapter.)

(huzzah)

**x**

…

…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**f**)(**i**)(**v**)(**e**)

rapacious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

Black Outs are what I have when Kyuubi decides it's time to take over. It's kind of like an out-of-body experience. Or autopilot. I see it happening, but can't do anything about it.

I look out at everything through prison bars.

**x**

When I wake up, I am on my bed. My head feels like it was hit by a brick at some point, and it does not help when I suddenly shoot up.

"Orochimaru!" I shout, and then groan.

"Lay down, idiot."

Sasuke's voice is hoarse and he now has a fresh set of bruises on his throat. I lift my hand to my forehead. There are bandages there. I lie down.

"What happened?" I ask. _How's Sakura?_

His eyes flash to mine before staring down again. He rasps, "She's fine."

I nod and settle a bit more.

"She fainted before you…"

I sit up again. "Before I what?"

"…went crazy."

"Yeah, well… I wouldn't be here if there was nothing wrong with me."

"Hm."

I groan again. "What did I _do_?"

"Hinata came in before you did anything too bad. Kakashi sent her to keep an eye on Orochimaru."

"And…?"

"She got help. They put some sedatives in you. You hit your head when you collapsed."

He's lying. I don't need to look at him to know that. There is more.

I remember a boy I attacked for making fun of my long-dead mom. I was ten, he was fifteen. I remember him going hysterical when he woke up, what he said, how terrified he looked, the fear, the horror.

(_like an animal crazy like a DEMON a MONSTER insane insane insane_)

"Liar," I whisper, and then fall asleep while my head still throbs.

**x**

I dream restlessly. When I wake up yet again, there are voices. Angry ones.

"You fucking _liar_!" I hear Sasuke shouting. He sounds like he is in another world.

"Wha…?" I mumble. I sit up. The door is opened a crack, and I nudge it open with my elbow to peek outside.

An orange-haired giant and sharp-toothed teenager are holding Sasuke back. He is shouting into the face of Orochimaru, who is covered in marks that must have been from me, and looking angrier than ever.

"She didn't do it!"

"Tsk," Orochimaru says smugly. "Dishonesty is very unbecoming of you, Sasuke."

My roommate is about to snap a response when Sakura's door is opened. Kabuto comes out, pulling her by the elbow. She looks terrified.

"No," she whimpers. "Please, oh please, no."

Sasuke tenses, and the two guys holding him back pull him farther away to clear a path for the doctor and his unwilling patient.

As Sakura passes, she manages to break free from Kabuto, and races towards Sasuke. She throws her arms around his neck, and I hear her whisper between sobs.

"Don't let them, please! Help me."

"Sakura," he says, eyes wide and arms still held back. He leans into her ear, and whispers something that I can't quite catch.

She lets out a shout now because Kabuto is pulling her. She clutches onto Sasuke tighter, gives him a desperate kiss, and is dragged away.

His head his hanging now, hair obscuring his face. "You sick _bastard_."

Orochimaru looks pleased. "I believe I explained how much I dislike opposition. There is, of course, always room for bargaining."

"Bite me," Sasuke grinds out, glaring hatefully.

"Come to me if you change your mind. We wouldn't want that poor girl to get hurt, would we?"

Sasuke bites his lip to stop any words.

"Better. Now, Juugo, Suigetsu, feel free to escort Mr. Uchiha back into his room."

I race back over to my bed, throw the covers over myself, and feign sleep while my eyes remain wide.

Footsteps come, the door is thrown open, Sasuke is roughly shoved inside and onto his bed.

"Don't do anything stupid, Sasuke," I hear the giant advise quietly.

The other worker lets out a barking chuckle. "That'll happen just as soon as pigs get a'hold of some Red Bull."

Sasuke stays quiet. They leave.

When their footsteps fade away, I hear him curse.

I sit up, and look over at him silently.

"What happened?" I finally whisper.

"Orochimaru happened."

"What'd he do? What's he lying about?"

"He put her in the isolation room! He blamed her for what happened in the Rec. room before, and put her in _isolation_!"

I give him a hard look. "And what're you going to do about it?"

**x**

"I want to visit my brother."

Kakashi honestly looks surprised by this. He stares at Sasuke as if he has grown another two heads. "What was that?" he asks.

Sasuke takes a deep breath and curls his fingers impatiently. "I want to go visit my brother."

I am standing next to him, and I nod sagely.

Kakashi raises his eyebrow at me, and turns back to Sasuke. "Look, I know you're upset right now with everything that's going on, but that's no reason to commit suicide."

"It isn't suicide," Sasuke growls, "It's just the only option."

Kakashi scratches the back of his head. "Eh?"

"Cause!" I shout excitedly, as if this was my idea. "Sasuke's brother is the only one who can overrule Orochimaru-creep, right? So if Sasuke can convince him to get Sakura out of isolation, then she'll be out like this." I snap my fingers just to show him how quickly.

"Exactly," Sasuke murmurs, still glaring coolly towards Kakashi. We wait for a response.

"No."

"_No_?!" I shout. "What'd you mean, _no_?"

Kakashi sighs. He is reading his book again. "The last time you visited Itachi, he nearly killed you. I can't allow any patients to purposely place themselves in a situation where they may be harmed, or-"

"Or what?" Sasuke says, surprisingly contained. "The hospital will be blamed? You'll lose your job? I wouldn't press charges against you or the hospital. Orochimaru can't fire anyone without my brother's consent, and he likes you. What's the problem?"

"The _problem_ is that your brother is a homicidal maniac that has twisted his protectiveness of you into something deadly."

If Sasuke is offended, he doesn't show it. "Then let me talk to him through a freaking window, for all I care. Get someone to come with me. Unless, of course, you have any better ideas."

Kakashi is silent. Sasuke smirks.

"Cool," I say. "So it's all settled now, right?"

"I suppose so. Oh, and Naruto? You're going with Sasuke."

"Cool, so…. wait. What?"

Sasuke lifts an eyebrow and points at me with his thumb. "Why him?"

Kakashi flips to the next page in his book and his one visible eye roams over the typed words. "Do you want to visit Itachi," he snaps the book shut, "or not?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then Naruto's going with you."

"I…Fine." We both huff.

"Good then," Kakashi is _so_ smiling under that mask. "I'll have someone escort you there after dinner."

"Joy."

**x**

At dinner, everyone seems surprised when Sasuke arrives with no Sakura.

"Hey," Ino asks me. "Where's-"

"She off on visit with her family," Sasuke lies easily. "She'll be back soon."

"Oh."

We barely eat, but do so quickly, and leave before anyone speaks to us.

Hinata follows us, and I don't notice her until we reach the hall. I tug on Sasuke's sleeve, and he turns.

She won't look me in the eye. I am not surprised. She saw me at my worst before.

"I w-was asked to e-escort you upstairs."

"Lead the way." I give her a weak grin.

She leads the way. There is an elevator in the main hallway, and she swipes a card into a weird slot on the wall before it dings and opens like a big metal mouth. We go inside.

She swipes the card again, enters some code faster than I can see, and the door swishes closed. Hinata looks over at Sasuke.

"U-um…"

"Floor four."

"O-of course."

She presses the big bold **4**.

There is no music in the elevator, which is very shaky and very cramped.

I gulp. I have always hated elevators.

Another ding, and the big metal mouth opens again. We follow Hinata out into the tiled hallway, where it is somberly quiet and depressingly gray.

She looks at Sasuke again, who does not look back. "Room one-eleven."

"Right."

We go up to a reception desk, and who is there but that lovely tomato-haired secretary.

She is leaning on her hand, and yawning before Hinata clears her throat quietly.

"Ah! Sasuke!" Are those hearts in her eyes? "What can I do for you?"

Sasuke is twitching as the disregarded Hinata murmurs. "We're here for the Visiting Room. I-if I could have the key…?"

Karin glares at her. "Hmph." She scribbles something down on a clipboard and stares down her nose at Hinata. "Which patient are you visiting?"

I step forward, grin, and throw an arm around Sasuke's shoulders. "Actually, me and Sasuke here are visiting his brother."

She glares at me. Sasuke glares at me. "Don't touch me," he says.

I don't let go, even when he tries shrugging me away. I snicker.

"The key?" Hinata reminds softly.

"Yeah, hold your horses." She tosses the glinting key at my face, and it hits my nose hard before landing in Sasuke's hand. He steps away from me as I clutch at it and howl.

"Thanks," he says shortly.

("Owowowowowowow!")

"No problem, Sasuke! Itachi will be there in a little bit."

We walk away and down the hall to the final room. Using the key we open the door. Inside are a large table and four chairs. It is lighted dimly.

Still grumbling about my aching nose, I sit. Sasuke sits next to me. Hinata sits across from us.

"A-as soon as Itachi arrives," she says shyly, "I'll go and wait outside."

Sasuke nods, shifting a little, uneasy, and says, "I think I'll wait out in the hall for now."

He leaves, so that Hinata and me are alone.

It is quiet. I look over at her, and she glances down with a red face that is only a dusty pink in the lighting.

"Hinata," I begin.

She looks up with a tiny squeak, and I smile warmly at her.

Twisting my fingers, I ask, "Are you…scared of me?"

Her pale eyes go wide. "O-of course not! What g-gave you that idea?"

"It's just… about what happened earlier, in the Rec. room… I thought it might've freaked you out a little."

"W-well, y-yes, I was a little scared, b-but not of you. More of w-what could happen to you."

I cock my head at her, and she ducks her head down quickly. "What'd you mean?"

"I just… didn't want you to get hurt I guess." Her voice is quiet, and she looks at the bandages around my head with a soft smile. "I guess I didn't really do that good of a job, though…"

"Eh?" I ask smartly, genuinely confused now.

"Naruto…t-the truth is-"

The door swings open, and we both jump. Hinata almost looks guilty.

"He's here," Sasuke says, stepping in.

"Oh! I'll leave then." Hinata steps out.

Sasuke sits down again, and crosses his arms tightly. He is tense.

I look eagerly at the door.

Someone steps in.

My eyes widen slightly, to see a man in a straightjacket. I see the family resemblance, and almost do a double take.

"Hello, little brother."

Sasuke's hands ball into fists. His voice is an attempt at neutral. "Itachi."

**x**

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-

(finally squeezed in some naruhina.)

(WORSHIP ME, MORTALS.)

-

**-PM-**


	6. avaricious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(im craving pizza. like MAD)

(with gooey cheeeeese.)

**x**

…

…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**s**)(**i**)(**x**)

avaricious

**-**

…

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…

**x**

Itachi's eyes flicker to me and then back to Sasuke right before we sit.

Apparently this is some sort of Brother's Code, because without being asked Sasuke answers, "A friend of mine."

…Friend?

"Friend?" Itachi asks, as if it's a foreign concept to him. He licks his lips, like he doesn't like the taste of the word.

"Uh," I say, more than slightly scared of this man. "…Yeah. I'm Naruto."

"Hn." Doesn't that sound familiar? He glares at me and my extended hand, so I let it droop a little. "Friends make you weak."

"Hey-" I begin angrily, but Sasuke cuts me off.

"That isn't why I'm here." He fidgets a little, almost looking uncomfortable. "I need a… favor."

Itachi has long dark hair without a trace of blue in it, and his skin isn't quite as pale as Sasuke's. His eyes are slightly slimmer, and less trusting, and he has two tired lines curving under each of them. When the light hits his face a certain way, I almost think they turn red.

Right now, the lines under his eyes grow shallow as he lifts an eyebrow.

And then his impassive gaze lands on the bruises littering his younger brother's neck.

Eyes narrowing further and flashing crimsonFLAMINGscarlet-

(_the devil has red eyes eyes crying __**blood**_)

-he leans forward and asks shortly, "Who?"

And Sasuke smirks, says, "Orochimaru. That's why I'm here. He took Sa-"

"Orochimaru?" his elder brother interrupts, and the smirk fades.

I'm unnaturally quiet.

"Yeah," Sasuke says impatiently.

His brother looks at the paler mark on Sasuke's cheek, the one courtesy of Sakura's angry inner self, and Sasuke touches it lightly.

"This," he says, "Was an accident. And unimportant. The real reason I'm here is because I need you to get Sakura out of iso-"

"I'm going to kill Orochimaru," Itachi practically growls.

Sasuke closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His words are bitter. "Murder isn't the answer to everything."

I look over at his older brother and almost wince at his icy face.

"What is it that you need?" he asks, and his fingers twitch as if they are dreaming of how to best kill the snake-freak.

Sasuke opens his eyes, but does not look at him, and that only seems to fuel the fire. "Orochimaru blamed Sakura for attacking us," he says, gesturing towards me and himself, "And had her put in isolation. I need you to get her out."

"Sakura?" Itachi asks.

"Yeah," Sasuke mumbles, and I think he blushes a little, and then it hits me.

He hasn't seen his brother since he was fifteen. He and Sakura got together at fifteen. His brother doesn't know.

I let out a loud laugh, and if it had been anyone else in the room they may have been startled.

"He doesn't know?" I say, suppressing my laughter into choked chuckles. Sasuke glares at me.

"Naruto, _shut up_-"

"What don't I know?"

Sasuke's head whips around towards his brother. "_Nothing_," he stresses.

"Aw," I say, "C'mon, Sasuke. You're gonna have to tell him _sometime_."

"Dammit, _shut up_ Naruto."

"Tell me _what_?"

"Sakura and Sasuke, sitting in a tree, _K-I-S-S-I-N-G_!"

"Idiot, shut-"

"First comes _love_, then comes _marriage_, then comes Itachi in a _baby carriage_!"

"Ah," Itachi says, looking over at Sasuke, who in turn looks severely livid. "I see. You're involved with that girl?"

I snicker, and nod for him.

"Then I cannot help you."

My face falls flat. "_What_?"

"I told you to cut any bonds you have with people, Sasuke. You have created one with that girl. They are fickle things. Some are strong, and others only hurt you. Love is one of those that can only result in pain."

Sasuke isn't looking at me anymore.

"It is my job to cut those bonds for you, if you cannot do it yourself. Being kept away from that girl can only be good for you."

I stand, slam my hands with spread fingers on the shaky table. It rattles with a loud and painful smack.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" I ask, angry at the blankness of his face, the total antisocial cold dark behavior. All I keep thinking is _selfish, selfish, selfish_.

"Selfish," I hear Sasuke murmur over my heavy breathing.

I turn to look at him the same time as Itachi.

"You're being selfish again," Sasuke clarifies. His voice is hard. "Think about something other than yourself for a change."

Itachi cocks his head so that his bangs hang from the side like swinging pendulums. "I am doing this for your benefit alone."

"Forget about me!"

Itachi's eyes grow dark and blank and coldcoldcold. "No," he says, and gets up to leave.

Some big guy in a uniform comes in, and leads Sasuke's brother out of the room.

All that is left is the sound of my heavy breathing.

**x**

"What happened?" Hinata asks as we leave the room. Sasuke brushes past her and I don't even notice.

"Hey," I call to him, and I get no answer. "Hey!"

(_all my fault all my fault its all my fault_)

He is standing by the elevator. I walk briskly towards it, and Hinata scurries behind me.

"What happened?" she repeats.

"_Hey._"

"I guess that's a no," I hear her say quietly, voice sad.

Sasuke continues ignoring me.

Hinata does her magic, and the big metal mouth swallows us whole.

**x**

She leaves us in the Rec. room and says to wait for Kakashi.

Sasuke still has not responded to me, and it is quiet. I am standing, he is sitting. My eyes are wild, his are completely blank and controlled. We are living contradictions.

"One chance," he eventually whispers, and it is somehow louder than my shouts. "We had one chance, and you blew it."

"Look," I say, and I stop.

There is a short silence.

"You are a moron."

I slump. "I know."

"You are an idiot."

"I know."

"You're a fucking natural disaster in human skin."

"…Listen, I _know_."

"No, you obviously don't know. If you _did _know, you might've kept your mouth shut and Sakura would have been out by now."

He gets up, eyes glaring.

"Where are you going?" I ask miserably.

"Like it's any of your concern."

He walks out of the room.

Karma is a bitch.

**x**

Kakashi comes back, and I tell him everything. He remains oddly quiet, and only nods.

"No worries," he tells me, and smiles under his mask. It is lacking something.

We sit for a few minutes, before I stand with a loud curse, and travel back to my empty room.

**x**

Sasuke returns after curfew. I hear the stiff sheets rustle as he gets into his bed.

"Where were you?" I ask sleepily.

"Nowhere important," he tells me, and sounds so oddly normal that I blink.

After another few seconds, he adds, "I worked something out with Orochimaru, and-

(_eve took the apple from the snake the vengeful fallen angel and bye bye garden hello sin_)

- Sakura's already back in her bed."

"_What_?" I gasp, sitting up. "Are you _serious_?"

"Yes." He pauses. "Go to sleep."

"Wait," I say, suspicious. "What kind of a deal did you make?"

He snorts. "I don't really think you're entitled to ask me anything right now. Go to sleep."

I do.

When I wake up in the morning, Sakura is back.

And Sasuke is gone.

**x**

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(short, but quick.)

(ha. I just realized that Itachi was in a straightjacket throughout the entire conversation.)

(XD)

-

**-PM-**


	7. bodacious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(guess what i noticed in my extended absence?)

(the longer i take to update, the more reviews i seem to get!)

(should i exploit this wonderful gift? …i think not.)

**x**

…

…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**s**)(**e**)(**v**)(**e**)(**n**)

bodacious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

I don't figure it out until halfway through breakfast. Sasuke wasn't there when I woke up, so I naturally assume he is with Sakura. I feel oddly bitter about this.

(the savior and his damsel-in-distress)

I am leaning on my hand, elbow propped up on the tabletop.

(avoiding the evil dragon)

Hinata is beside me, twiddling her fingers and peeking over nervously. I turn to face her, pasting on a nice, big grin.

"Hey," I say smoothly, smile smile smile. "Can I ask you something?"

She looks surprised. "O-of course!"

"What's the best way to apologize to someone? I mean, like, when just a _sorry_ doesn't cut it."

"Well," she measures her words carefully. Her voice is so soft. "I suppose it would depend on the person."

I turn a bit more, better angle for better vision; cock my head to the side. "Really?" I ask. "What else?"

"It would also depend on the… matter at hand."

"Hm. Never thought of it like that."

She lets out a soft sigh, staring down at her white tennis sneakers with a gaze that isn't seeing. "Naruto," she murmurs, "Are you trying to figure out a way to apologize to S-sakura?"

I blink. "Well, yeah. Kinda. I mean, I feel really cruddy about everything being my fault. You know." I suddenly feel a bit uncomfortable.

"Y-you blame yourself too much, Naruto."

"I…" am at a loss for words.

Hinata peers at me through her short bangs, smiling softly.

We look at each other, simultaneous grins on our faces. She's glowing, I'm shining, and I eventually tell her, "Thanks, Hinata."

She glows just a bit more.

The moment is ruined, of course, when Sakura rushes into the Cafeteria and over to our table. And, damn, does she look _washed out_.

"Naruto," she calls frantically. "Naruto, where is he?"

My brow furrows. "Wha…?"

"Sasuke!" she shouts. "Where is Sasuke? I can't find him anywhere!"

I think for a second, and

(_don't let them, please! help me_)

(_there is, of course, always room for bargaining_)

(_wouldn't want that poor girl to get hurt, would we?_)

(_sakura and sasuke, sitting in a tree, _K-I-S-S-I-N-G_!_)

(_then i cannot help you_)

(_i worked something out with Orochimaru_)

(_what kind of a deal did you make?_)

(_**help me**_)

God _dammit_.

"Sakura?" Chouji asks. "What's wrong?"

Kiba cocks his head to the side.

Ino looks over. "I thought you were on a family visit."

Shino is quiet. Shikamaru stares at us with too-wise eyes. I can't even bring myself to look at Hinata.

I grab Sakura's wrist, and run out of the room.

**x**

I slam open the door, jump into the office, Sakura at my heels.

"Grandma!" I shout. "Where's Kakashi?"

Tsunade looks up from her paperwork with a furrowed brow, filled with confused creases.

"Kakashi?" she asks, disregarding the nickname. "Why do you need him now?"

I stalk forward, and Sakura lingers at the door. "Where is he?" I ask again, breathless.

"Brat, what the hell is going on-" She cuts herself off when she notices Sakura. And then, "Ah, you found out about the Uchiha."

"You knew about it?" I ask. "You knew about it and you _let it happen_?"

"Hey," the doctor bristles. "Orochimaru is my boss. I have no say over what he does."

"Where's Kakashi?" I ask again.

"In the medication stock room." I turn around, and stalk back over to the door-

"But, Naruto, there's something you should know first-"

- and slam it closed.

**x**

Sakura stops me halfway there. Not that I know where I'm going.

"Naruto," she says, shaking her head. "What's going on? What happened to Sasuke?"

I take a nice deep breath and count to one two three four five. In, out, in, out. Breathe.

"Alright," I say, calm now, in control. "Tell me what you know first. I'll fill in the blanks."

She sighs. "After they dragged me upstairs and put me in the isolation room, I freaked out for a while. They pumped me full of sedatives. Fell asleep. Next thing I knew, Sasuke was shaking me awake."

"Did he tell you anything? Anything at all?"

"He said…" She looks thoughtful. "He said he talked to his brother and got me out, and not to worry about anything."

God _dammit_, Sasuke.

"He lied," I say shortly, and begin walking again. I murmur to myself, "Where the hell is the stock room…"

Sakura races to catch up to me. "What are you talking about?"

"He made some kind of deal with Orochimaru."

She pauses, lets it all sink in. And groans heartily. "No…"

"Here!" I shout. There is a plaque screwed into the wall that clearly says **STOCK ROOM**.

I begin banging on the door. "Kakashi!" I call. "Open up!"

The door swings open, revealing our counselor.

"Naruto," he says, "Sakura."

He turns back into the room, where metal shelves house all different labeled boxes.

"Your meds came in today," he tells me, rummaging through one of the boxes. He finally stands up straight. His head cocks to one side. "Where'd Sasuke run off to?"

I jump from foot to foot, and Sakura tells Kakashi the basic story.

Eventually, he only nods, the calm mediator. "Then the next question we ask ourselves would be where exactly he's gone to."

I bite my lip. "Maybe he just… traded places with her?" I suggest.

Kakashi shrugs. "It's as good a guess as any. Let's check the isolation room."

**x**

After about five minutes of trying to get Karin to hand over the key at her station, Sakura eventually threatens her with bodily harm.

The key is thrown in my face. Again. But this time I catch it.

Just in time for another key to smash me on the forehead.

Karin lifts her nose and sniffs. "There are two isolation rooms," she informs us.

"Thanks a _bunch_," I snap in happy-anger, rubbing my head.

She only snorts.

**x**

"No," Sakura moans again.

We have visited both rooms.

Both rooms have been empty.

I kick the wall. And hold in my shout of frustration.

(_because this is all my fault all my fault again its all my fault_)

**x**

We sit in the Rec. room, contemplating.

(Sakura is alone on the loveseat today.)

"Where else could he be?" I ask. I notice that we all keep saying _he, his, him_. As if saying his name will make him disappear for good.

Reminds me of a riddle.

_Say my name, and I shall disappear. Who am I?_

We are all quiet.

What was the answer to that riddle again?

Ah, right.

_Say my name, and I shall disappear. Who am I?_

_Who am I?_

_I am Silence._

Kakashi stands. "I think I know."

We follow him out of the room, and leave the silence there.

**x**

For some reason, he takes us to Grandma's office. We go in without knocking.

She is staring out the window, arms crossed under her chest, leaning against the glass that peers over a highway.

"Doctor Tsunade," Kakashi says sternly, stepping in front of us "Show me the transfer papers."

She turns her head slightly. "What for? You know where he is."

"Show _them_."

She sighs, goes to her desk, and slides open the top right drawer. A small off-white folder is pushed across the wood.

I turn to Kakashi. "What's this?"

Sakura picks the file up, opens it, scans the page.

"Just read it."

I peer over Sakura's shoulder. And read.

**Patient ID: **_1197548_

**Patient Name: **_Sasuke Uchiha_

**Former Residence: **_Shady Leaf Treatment Facility, Konoha_

**Current Residence: **_Pleasant Sounds Institution, Oto_

There is more, of course, but there's really no point in reading the rest.

"What the hell is the Pleasant Sounds Institution?" I spit.

Grandma is sitting at her desk now, hands folded before her.

"Orochimaru is a buyer of real estate. Particularly, he seems to focus on the purchase of hospitals. That mental hospital is one that he has complete ownership of."

Sakura is shaking. "Like what he wants to do with this one?" she asks.

A sharp nod. "Precisely."

Once again, there is silence.

"So," I say, breaking it like I break everything else. "Sasuke agreed to be brought there?"

Tsunade nods again. "In return, Orochimaru gave him assurance that Sakura would be freed. In addition, the two of you will no longer be subject to anymore tests."

_**You seem to bring ruin with you wherever you go.**_

No no no, this can't all be my fault.

Can it?

**x**

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. We miss lunch, that much I remember.

After dinner is over, I decide to mingle for the first time. Sakura goes straight to her room, avoiding any more questions.

I'm pretty bored. There's a nice, safe movie on.

_Finding Nemo_.

Man, what I wouldn't give for a nice, gory, horror flick.

"_Fish are friends, not food."_

Gag me with a spoon.

Hinata sits next to me. It wasn't intentional. I came late, and there were few seats left in the dark room.

Something is weighing on my mind.

"Hey," I whisper, nudging her.

She blinks, face glowing more than ever with the television lighting, and turns to me. "Y-yes?"

"Can you, uh… will you come with me to check on Sakura?" A pause. "I'm worried about her."

She looks away, nods.

We stand.

Walk down the hall. And something doesn't feel right.

(_its Silence_)

That's stupid.

(_siiiilence_)

We reach the room, and I frown when the door is slightly ajar. I rap on it with my knuckles.

"Sakura," I whisper-call for no good reason. The door opens wider.

I turn around to look at Hinata, and shrug.

We walk in.

And find it in shambles.

**x**

…

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-

(yet another cliffhanger for your viewing pleasure)

(i really, really don't like this chapter)

-

**-PM-**


	8. vicious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(man, you guys _stink._)

(one more review, and it would've reached ninety. but nooo.)

(LET'S GET REVENGE FOR THE CLIFFHANGER BY LEAVING IT AT 89.)

(not to mention the mind-boggling amount of lurkers. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

(boo)

**x**

…

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…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**e**)(**i**)(**g**)(**h**)(**t**)

vicious

**-**

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**x**

Gaara was seven months younger than me, and was the scariest psychopath I have ever known.

There was this one time, one really-freaky-blow-your-mind time, where he _flipped_.

I found him in his bedroom, the cramped one for all us foster kids, curled in the corner, green eyes darting around, everything trashed and blood on the wall.

"_Mother_," he hissed, and I jumped, scared.

"Uh, Gaara-" I was about to remind him that I wasn't his mom when he interrupted me.

"_Mother, it's for you, all for you, blood, my blood…_"

I stepped forward a little. "G-gaara? You feeling okay?"

His eyes had flashed up at me, and I froze mid-step. My heart skipped one beat, two.

"_Mother is still thirsty_…"

He jumped up at me, grinning, and as he tackled me to the ground I noticed the newly carved symbol on his forehead, the knife in his hand glistening with red, the trickles and rivers of blood running down his face, catching at the corners of his wild eyes, drip-dropping like scarlet tears-

"… _give Mother your blood_."

-and when I woke up in the hospital with no one to hold my hand and a long white scar on my shoulder, I knew without checking that the weird Japanese symbol he put there meant _love_.

**x**

"Sakura!" I shout.

I run deeper into the room, feel Hinata behind me, my eyes wide with possibilities.

Sheets torn to shreds, feathers floating in the air with the remains of the pillow, paint chipped with long fingernail trails of white, bed frame tipped over, the sound of sobbing in the corner.

Sakura is curled against the wall, in the far right, jade eyes wide, rocking herself, mumbling and sobbing and sniffling.

(back_and_forth_and_back_and_forth_and_back_and_forth)

"Gone…" I hear her mumble, "…gone gone gone…"

I scramble over, on my knees, hand hovering around her but not quite touching.

"I'll go get Doctor Tsunade," Hinata murmurs quickly, and then she is gone.

"Sakura," I say again.

She's shaking like crazy when she turns to look at me. Her eyes are dark.

"_**Sakura's not here,**_" the voice sings. The smile now there is out of place.

She sits up straight, eyes angry.

"_**He's gone.**_"

I clear my throat. Stay calm. Do not panic. Hinata will be back in a minute, with Grandma. Safe.

"Who?"

"_**The boy.**_" She pauses, cocks her head. "_**The boy that keeps me away.**_"

"No," I lie. "Sasuke's still here. He'll be in here any second."

"_**Liar,**_" she says, laughter dancing in her voice and eyes. "_**I don't like liars.**_"

She creeps closer to me, and I back away. Calm. Calm. Be calm.

When her hand reaches, slowly, towards my throat, I flinch and scramble to my feet.

She gets up too.

Screw calm.

"Hey," I say, raising my voice. "Stay away, alright? Just…just, stay away."

She keeps coming. I keep backing up.

"Sakura," I say, trying desperately to call her back, heart thudding hard against my chest and in my throat.

"_Sakura!_"

Grandma bursts into the room with two guys in scrubs. They grab Sakura by the arms, and hold her in place as she struggles violently.

"_**LET GO! LET GO OF ME NOW!**_"

Grandma lifts up a syringe, and pokes the little silver needle into the crook of Sakura's arm. She becomes drowsy, and passes out completely, all in a matter of seconds.

"I…"

"Go to your room, Naruto."

I nod.

The two guys place Sakura on her bed, and I make sure they do so gently before I leave.

I fall asleep after about three hours of staring at the empty bed across the room.

**x**

When I get up in the morning, Sakura meets me in the hallway between our rooms.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, and my eyes widen as she hugs me.

It is an awkward, spacey hug that makes me feel funny inside. Not good, not bad. Just weird.

She is only a shadow of her usual self.

"Hey," I say, the first to pull away, "Don't worry about it."

She scratches a spot on her neck, and walks away.

**x**

Sakura eats no breakfast, and therefore leaves the table early. I fill everyone in on the details, leaving parts out, stingy in areas.

"Oh," Ino mutters, skinny arms crossed over the table like fallen chopsticks.

Kiba strokes Akamaru quietly.

**x**

"I have a plan," I tell Kakashi.

"Hm." He flips to the next page in his dirty-pervert book. "I'd really love to hear it."

"Okay." I take a deep breath. "It's pretty simple."

He nods, eye roaming over the page. "As expected."

"Yeah. I- _Hey!_"

"Go on, please."

I stare over at Sakura, who is sleeping uneasily on the couch.

"We tell Itachi, and have him get Sasuke out-"

"Not gonna work."

I blink, and glare at him angrily. "Why not?"

"Because. We can't tell Itachi of Sasuke's transfer."

"_What_? It's his brother, he'd want to know."

"Naruto," he sighs. "Think about it. Hearing news of his brother's departure would throw Itachi into some sort of relapse. He wouldn't have a chance of being declared stable. We'd lose the hospital."

"But-"

"No buts."

"Fine. Then the next time Sakura starts freaking out, they'll just pump her full of sedatives again, right?" I am getting angry. I need my pills. Oh God, I need them _now_.

"Naruto," He says again, voice soft. "I know where you're coming from, really, but you know-"

"What do I know, huh? What do _you_ know? None of us know anything!"

"Hey, calm down-"

"Does crap like this happen all the time? This hospital is really just some kind of shit hole. You guys are falling to shambles, just like Orochimaru wants, and _you fucking deserve it_."

Kakashi's eye hardens.

Sakura is sitting up. Shaky. She heard the whole thing. Good. I'm _glad_ she heard the whole damn thing.

_**Show them what happens-**_

(mommy, why are there bad people in the world?)

_**-when they-**_

(because something has to balance out the good people)

_**-CROSS US.**_

_No._

I clench my teeth, grab my head, shake it from side to side. "No," I mutter," No, no, no, outta my head, get outta my head!"

Kakashi stands up immediately, fishes into his pocket, pulls out a small orange bottle. My prescription. Oh, thank God. My meds.

He hands me two little orange pills, and I swallow them dry, still trembling.

They leave an uncomfortable knot in my throat that will bother me until the vomiting kicks in a few hours from now. I sigh, sweaty, cold, feeling disgusted with myself.

Even though my meds have yet to kick in, the overall relief of having them makes me feel a hundred times better.

Sakura comes up to me, and I see her scratching at her arm.

"Are you okay?" she asks, voice not-as-hollow.

"Yeah," I mutter.

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

Kakashi eyes me warily before unclipping a small black beeper from his belt. He looks back at me again, this time with a crooked smile underneath the medical mask.

"Naruto," he chirps cheerily. "Go to your room."

I blink. Sakura blinks. We blink at each other.

"What for?"

"Naruto," he repeats. "_Go to your room_."

I take a few seconds to stand there and gape like an idiot.

Then I suddenly understand, jump out the door, speed down the hallway like I'm being chased by some imaginary villain.

I throw open the door, and immediately tackle Iruka into a hug.

"You came!" I shout, laughing, very glad to feel like a little kid again.

He laughs too, and pries my arms from his neck. We sit down on my bed.

I bounce a little, happy.

"Well," he says, "I would've come earlier, but they have a mandatory waiting period before I can come visit for the first time. Something about you getting settled."

"Bull," I say shortly.

He shrugs. "Basically."

We sit in comfortable silence, and I hum some haunting song I used to know how to play on the piano, before I stopped taking lessons.

God, I miss home. Iruka smells like home.

(_burnt cooking and laundry detergent and peppermint_)

I hug him again, solemnly.

He wraps his arms around me too, and for a moment I can almost pretend I am in my room, in my kitchen, the den.

"So," he finally says, pulling back. "Tell me everything. The whole story. Anything exciting happen?"

I chuckle.

"You have no idea."

**x**

…

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-

(happy? that's really not much of a cliffhanger.)

(the amount of hugs in this chapter made me nauseous)

(it ain't _Barney_, people.)

-

**-PM-**


	9. pervious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(school is quite possibly the most draining thing in existence_._)

(ANARCHY! ANARCHY! LET'S REBEL TOGETHER!)

(not to sound dramatic, or anything.)

(woe.)

**x**

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**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**n**)(**i**)(**n**)(**e**)

pervious

**-**

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**x**

When I was really little, Before, my mom used to keep a jar of sand on her bedside table. I don't really remember this, of course, but whatever.

The sand was white and smooth and from the beach my parents camped out on for their honeymoon. The bottle was plain, and had a wood-colored cork stuffed in the top of the neck.

So after The Accident, I got ahold of it. No matter where I was thrown into, home after home after home after home, I would find a special place for it.

After turning out the lights every night, I would take out the bottle. It would glow pale in the dark, like moondust. I would turn it over, veryvery slowly, and watch every single grain of sand slide down to the other side, like it was my own makeshift hourglass.

It was nice, having control over something.

(I like to think it kept me sane for a while.)

**x**

The next few days pass with the type of agonizing slowness that makes you feel like you've aged a millennium.

It's the same routine every day- Kakashi reading and being all cryptic, Sakura acting like her heart is missing, interaction with all the wackies.

And then the lovely day comes. _Group Therapy_.

Buckets of fun.

**x**

The room is one I have not visited before. Big and white and clean like everything else in this damn place. Plastic chairs stand, cold and blue, in a misshapen circle. Cabinets and a sink and weird objects line the left wall.

But that isn't what hits me first.

There are _windows_ in here.

I mean, I know we get to go outside every day, but it feels so nice. No artificial lighting. No making it look like we're underground. Like we're dirt.

So yeah. Group Therapy. Fun.

After breakfast, all the teenaged patients are ushered into this wonderful Candyland. Shizune walks in after us, a tough looking woman at her side.

"Who's that?" I ask Sakura as we sit. The peer counselors stand, chatting, at the windows.

"Oh," she answers back. "That's Anko."

I look at the lady again. She has a messy purple ponytail, hard eyes, and a lollipop hanging lazily at one corner of her smirking mouth.

She turns. Locks eyes with me. I stick my tongue out at her.

She lifts an eyebrow, takes her lollipop out of her mouth, and freaking _throws it at me_.

I yelp and dodge. "HEY!" I shout, pointing at her as I cower.

Anko sticks her own tongue out at me, and it's stained red from the candy.

"Hmph."

Great beginnings. First impressions. Not too good with those, am I?

I cross my arms, slouch in my chair, pretend I'm not pouting.

But _really_. What kind of mental hospital hires psychos?

"_Alright maggots_!" Goddam she has a loud voice. I wince as she continues. "_Ready for some group therapy_?!"

"No," I mutter, and I am not the only one.

Sakura scratches her arm, smiling slightly.

"Today," Anko smirks, "we're gonna work on your creative outlets! I want everyone to get a brush, some paint, and a canvas! Choose a single color, and paint yourself! Afterwards, we're gonna choose a lucky few to talk about their portraits! EVERYONE GOT IT?!"

Choruses of '_yes sir got it sir'_ echo throughout the room.

"GOOD. Now get started!"

I watch everyone stand out of their chairs and walk to the wall with the cabinets. The way they do it is more organized than any of my high school art classes. Makes you wonder who the _real_ crazy ones are.

I get up myself, wander over with the rest of them, snatch a canvas a brush a jar of orange paint. 'Cause, c'mon. _Orange_.

Hinata and the other peer counselors are setting up cheap, collapsible easels in front of the seats. I thank Shikamaru, who only sets up mine before walking away to lean on the wall. I set down the canvas awkwardly (which is not really a canvas, but a big piece of poster paper), and stare at the blank white for a good minute.

"Having trouble?" Sakura asks me, taking the cap off her red paint.

I am about to answer when we both notice the commotion going on over at the other side of the room. Some of the more dazed patients ignore it, and dip their bony fingers into their paint to slosh it across their papers and each other. Us more lucid ones, we pause and stare.

"Let's go, Neji," Shizune is saying, urging the boy out of his seat, "Everyone has to partake in group activities, remember? Come on, let's go…"

He gives her a stony look, arms crossed, eyes suspicious. TenTen is laughing like a hyena on his right, finding the whole situation incredibly funny.

Anko stalks over and shoves Shizune out of the way. She puts her hands on her cocked hips, eyebrows drawn. TenTen stops laughing.

"Listen here, Hyuuga," Anko practically growls, "It's the same thing every week. Get your scrawny butt up before I _make _you get up."

"No."

I cock my head.

"_What_?"

"I believe I said no."

I swear on my goldfish's grave, Anko's left eye just twitched.

"GO NEJI!" TenTen whoops, throwing a fist in the air and stomping her feet. "SHOW 'EM WHO'S BOSS!"

I hide a snicker. Anko takes a step forward, one hand dropping and fingers curling loosely at her side. "Why you little…"

"W-wait a moment, please!"

I watch as Hinata detaches herself from the counselors to an empty chair next to her cousin. Anko takes a calming breath and steps away.

"Neji," Hinata's quiet voice floats over, "Why won't you listen to the nurses?"

He gives a sweeping look around the room and leans forward, as if we aren't all focused on him.

"The paint," he whispers, eyes wide. "The paint has poisonous fumes in it!"

Hinata falters for a second. "Neji… that's…um…rather…"

He leans forward further, causing Hinata to scoot back a bit. "They want us all dead! _Dead_!"

Neji's eyes widen more with every word.

"Who?" Hinata questions meekly.

"_Them_!" he responds.

She seems to think, then, nod. "Okay then," she murmurs kindly, "How about you use some crayons instead?"

She gets up as if to get them, but Neji panics and grabs her around the waist. "No," he wails, eyes bigger than ever, "The crayons have anthrax laced in them!"

The whole room has stopped moving by now, even TenTen pausing in her cheering.

"I, um, okay," Hinata tries, sitting back down and gently prying his fingers from her person. "What about markers?"

"No, no. When the ink gets on your skin, it might be absorbed into your bloodstream. Very dangerous." He nods with his words. "That's what _They_ want."

"R-right. Of course. Colored pencils?"

Neji seems to consider this. He narrows his eyes and looks at TenTen for support, who nods eagerly. He looks back up at Hinata. "They haven't gotten to those yet."

She smiles a soft smile at him, and my chest does a funny twist that I ignore. Shizune lets out a sigh of relief, and the patients all return to business when she goes to the cabinets. She gets a tin can filled with a multitude of colored pencils.

When she hands them to Neji, he makes sure to examine them carefully before picking out a dull, puke-green color.

I let out a low whistle, and hear Sakura stifle a small, hysterical laugh beside me. I turn to her, watch her furiously scratch at her wrist.

She's smiling, a normal one, and she shakes her head. I grin back. Open my jar of paint. Dip the brush in.

I stick my tongue out of the corner of my mouth, and slide the first stroke across the clean paper.

**x**

About an hour later, Anko commands us to stop.

"Yamanaka!" she shouts. "You first! Show us your portrait!"

Ino lifts a slim, pale eyebrow. Everything about her is slim and pale. She turns her painting around so that everyone in the circle can have a view. She chose pink as her color.

Printed on the paper is a small, round pig. It's actually pretty well drawn. Her expression remains neutral, and she turns it back around.

Shizune makes a note of something on her clipboard, and nods to Anko when she's done. Great. We're being analyzed.

"Alright," Anko calls, eyes sweeping over us, "Inuzuka! Your turn!"

Kiba's picture is one of a stick figure. It has no proportion, no detail, but what it does have is a pair of dog-ears.

Shizune scribbles on her notes. A nod.

"Okay! Suki!"

Some twitching brunette in the back raises her portrait. It only has one eye.

Scribble. Nod.

"Right!"

She goes through at least ten more names.

Name. Scribble. Nod. Name. Scribble. Nod. Name. Scribble. Nod.

"Uzumaki!" I feel my face get a little hot as everyone turns to me. I flip my paper over. I'm no artist, but it's… distinguishable. Normal? Maybe. Then again, I'm sure Ino's pig and Kiba's dog-man looked pretty normal to them.

Scribble. Nod.

"Good!" I grin sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head, and place my paper back the right way.

"Hyuuga!"

Neji blinks, and hugs his paper against his chest. "No," he says simply.

Anko groans. The pattern has been broken.

"And why not?" she asks. Hinata stands up a little straighter, eyes roving over her obvious relative.

"They'll _steal_ it," Neji hisses.

I look over at Sakura, to see if she is trying to hold back laughter too. But she's too busy itching her upper arm, violently. I feel concern wash over me.

She's been scratching herself since about last week.

Her arms are all red from it, the skin irritated.

"I swear to the high heavens, Hyuuga, that if you don't turn that stupid portrait around right this second…" I hear Anko warn, and turn back to face the oncoming situation again.

"Now, now," Shizune soothes, "No need for threats. Let's handle this rationally."

Hinata moves forward as if to aid Neji again, but stops. She is looking to my left, eyes perplexed. I do the same.

Sakura's scratching both her arms now. She is doing it so hard that drops of blood begin to come out, small but there. Her eyes are closed tightly, as if in a wince.

"Sakura…?"

She says something, but her voice is way too quiet.

"What?" I ask, leaning forward, and hear footsteps coming near us.

"_The spiders_," she screams suddenly. "_The spiders_!_ Somebody help_!"

Anko and Shizune and Hinata rush over, grab at her waving arms, push them down at her sides.

"Calm down!" Anko keeps screaming over the ruckus that breaks out. "For the love of all things holy, _calm down_!"

"The spiders! All _over_ me! Spiders! _My skin is spiders_! THEY'RE BITING ME ALL OVER OH HELP ME HELP ME WHY WON'T YOU HELP MEEE?"

I stand up, and stumble back a bit, eyes wide, falling until I hit into someone in the crowd of watching patients.

"_My skin is spiders_! _**Help**_**!**"

I catch myself by grabbing their shirt, and turn my head around against them, looking up with fear.

I've landed on Neji, who looks at me with too-wise eyes and says,

"They got to her."

"_My skin, my skin, it's spiders_!"

(scratch scratch itch scratch smell the blood and scratch)

Neji lifts me up by my shirt collar and places me on me feet. TenTen comes to tug at him ("let's go, neji, i dont like this, i dont like it one bit") and as he is pulled away he says one more thing that leaves me staring after him.

"Are you next?"

I race from the room.

(time is running out)

**x**

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(geez)

(sakura's such a drama queen, isn't she? what a spotlight hog.)

(she gets it from sasuke, cuz that's his job in the manga.)

(really. it is. _no joke_.)

(and, for the record, i really dislike this chapter. immensely. im in a writing funk. who took my mojo, guys??)

-

**-PM-**


	10. laborious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(well. i don't believe i've had writer's block this bad in like forever.)

(but, hey! we reached the double-digit chapters.)

**x**

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**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

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(**t**)(**e**)(**n**)

laborious

**-**

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**x**

_Who wants to date a freak?_

This is what I always thought of when other guys started talking about chicks and bragging about chicks and lying about chicks.

This is what came to mind every time I saw a group of giggling girls in the hallway, with their fat pocketbooks and fake nails and perfect hair.

This is what haunted my head when adults started talking about weddings and life partners and divorce.

But then Iruka adopted me.

And I found out, after a lot of lessons, I found out that there are more important things to think about sometimes, and more important things to remember when the time comes, and more important things to lose sleep over.

There are always more important things than yourself.

**x**

I'm still pretty shaken up. Yesterday just really got to me.

I haven't seen Sakura, and when I go to breakfast, Chouji informs me that I'm staying with his group that day. He says Gai told him in the hallway before.

I smile, and I nod.

Ino isn't the only one that skips breakfast that day. When I pick up my tray to leave with them, my food is untouched.

But I'm used to this. My meds always make me a little nauseous, and from experience I've learned I'm better off not eating breakfast if I wanna keep down the rest of my meals.

(I ignore the searching look Hinata sends my way.)

I wait with Ino and Chouji at the door of the Cafeteria and after a few minutes a multicolored blur rushes past us.

I shout as it brushes against me. Once in the hall, the blur makes one big loop around and heads back our way.

"Lee," I hear Ino growl.

The blur stops right in front of me, like two centimeters away, and I'm leaning back. Two big, dark, bug eyes are searching my face. My own eyes travel up to the kid's thick eyebrows.

I take a step back so that I don't fall.

But I end up on my butt anyway.

I look up at the kid again, and almost snicker. He has a _bowl cut. _

The boy is jogging in place. He offers me a hand. I take it after deeming it clean.

"I am Rock Lee!" he proclaims proudly, as soon as I am standing again. "And you must be Naruto!"

"Uh," I say. "…Yeah."

He snatches my hand and shakes it with such vigor that I think my shoulder is dislocated.

"Pleased to meet you!"

He keeps shaking my hand, updownupdown, and he's doing it so fast that I lose track of it.

Chouji steps up and puts a hand on Lee's shoulder. "Morning, Lee," he greets.

Lee stops shaking my hand and turns to face him. I rub my wrist and send Chouji a thankful look.

"Ah, my gargantuan friend! How are you this lovely day?"

I hear Ino snicker. Chouji looks murderous all of a sudden, and steps forward as if to hurt Lee, but he is stopped by a voice.

A very loud, booming, irritating voice.

"AH," it comes, and the counselor I saw with them the other day walks up. "MERRY MORNING, MY YOUTHFUL SUBORDINATES!"

"Hey, Gai," Ino greets, examining her nails. Chouji has calmed himself.

Lee's face brightens up and his grin almost blinds me.

**x**

The introductions are filled with tears, hugs, and loud voices. I almost miss Kakashi and his books.

We go outside first, where Lee and Gai begin running laps around us. Chouji, Ino, and myself sit near each other, not talking.

"Are they always like this?" I finally ask, eyes wide as I watch the two look-alikes race each other.

Chouji nods.

"Unfortunately," Ino adds. Chouji grins at her.

I lift an eyebrow.

Chouji coughs. "Lee's got ADHD—"

"YOSH!"

"—_Severe_ ADHD," he finishes.

We're quiet again.

Ino stops picking out blades of grass to scrutinize me with her ice blue eyes.

"Where'd you get those scars?" she asks me suddenly, and I blink.

Chouji stares at her. "Ino," he starts, but I interrupt him.

"My first foster dad," I say, staring up at a disfigured cloud, thinking back to the days of apartments that reeked of beer and TV dinners. I look back at Ino. "He didn't like the look I was giving him, so he took a knife to my face."

I touch the scars lightly, tracing them with my fingertips, three on each cheek. It's almost ironic how neat the marks are.

I've had them for such a long time that I barely ever remember they're there. But they are. For people to see, to ask about, to judge.

I've been questioned about them so many times that it really doesn't bother me to talk about it anymore.

"Oh," Ino says, and her voice sounds sympathetic, which I did not expect.

Chouji scratches the back of his head, uncomfortable.

"Rough," he murmurs awkwardly.

Then Lee races over and hits the top of his head.

"Duck!" he shouts.

He taps Ino's head next, and she glares. "Duck!" He yells again.

He hits my head. "Goose!" And runs away so fast that he kicks up clumps of dirt.

I rub my head and don't bother chasing after him.

I can't, because I'm laughing too hard.

Chouji gives a grin, and then starts chuckling lowly, in that pleasant way that big guys do.

Even Ino's light, dainty giggle breaks in.

It is after our laughs begin dying down that I see Hinata leaning against the doorway that leads outside, small smile on her face.

I grin, stand, and wave her over.

She shakes her head and waves me over instead, her fingers curling in that timid way of hers, smile lost.

**x**

I jog up to her, and she beckons me inside.

"Hey," I say breathlessly, "What's up?"

Hinata avoids my eyes, twirling one lock of ink-colored hair around her slim, pale finger, and she clears her throat lightly.

"It's Sakura," she says quietly. I realize that I haven't thought about Sakura since this morning, and I feel a little guilty. "Dr. Tsunade is having her moved upstairs."

"_What?_" I shake my head, and keep myself from bursting because Hinata doesn't deserve the anger. Of all the days for Kakashi to not be here. "_Why?_"

"She said… she said her condition is t-too unstable. The patients upstairs don't have as many interaction privileges. And, there are more doctors on staff…"

"So, what?" I say. "She thinks that'll help her?"

"Yes." Hinata looks up at me. "I'm sorry, Naruto," she murmurs.

"It's not your fault," I tell her, shaking my head, pinching the bridge of my nose, shutting my eyes. I open them when I feel a hand on my left shoulder.

"It's not… your fault either, you know."

She takes a step forward, so that there's little room between us. Then she hugs me.

I hesitate. I'm not good at this stuff.

So I do the human thing, and hug her back.

**x**

When the elevator doors open, I step out. Hinata follows.

We march to the desk with a purpose.

Thankfully, Karin isn't the nurse on duty today. Instead some plain looking girl with no make up and too much perfume is at the desk.

Hinata flashes her card, gets the key, and we walk to that stupid visitor's room.

We sit on one side of the table, and wait, the air between us still tense with discomfort.

Sasuke's older brother is brought in less than a minute after we sit. He takes the chair across from us, dark eyes narrowing.

"You," he says, remembering me.

"Me," I say back.

Hinata clears her throat.

"I need a favor," I tell Itachi. He lifts his chin a little, cold superiority leaking from him in waves.

"Why would I help _you_?" he asks.

I grin.

**x**

…

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…

-

(the naruhina is at that awkward _friends-or-more? _stage.)

(my, my. what is naru-chan planning?)

(and, just so you're aware, sakura does NOT have a new condition. her old one just got worse.)

(but _why?_ is the question. hinthint.)

-

**-PM-**


	11. ingenious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(_dear anonymous reviewer_:)

(no, ive never been in a mental institute before. yes, the story is innacurate. it is also fictional.)

(im just taking liberties for the purpose of the plot and such. sorry if i offended you in any way.)

(now, on with the story!)

(;D)

**x**

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**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

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(**e**)(**l**)(**e**)(**v**)(**e**)(**n**)

ingenious

**-**

…

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…

**x**

You know those crime dramas on TV and in the movies?

Well I used to love watching that stuff. Grade-A, heart-stopping, chill-tingling, edge-of-your-seat cinematic bullshit.

The detectives always looked all smart and tough. They'd have a troubled past. They'd be going after this real psycho, a real evil genius sort of guy, in a sick twisted way. The case would be their hardest yet, usually linked to their past or present. The climax would be when they found the bad guy.

You learn a lot from those dimly lit interrogation scenes. I don't think they're as dramatic in real life. You know, with the detectives being all clever and reducing the suspect into a screaming thrashing mess. I mean, reality is boring for most people.

But I didn't pay attention to the special affects or any of the cheesy stuff. I always watched the acting. The facial expression, the phrasing of a question, the hesitation or lack thereof.

The manipulation.

**x**

"I need a favor," I tell Itachi. He lifts his chin a little, cold superiority leaking from him in waves.

"Why would I help _you_?" he asks.

I grin.

"Do you like me?" I ask him.

He doesn't answer. His facial expression remains dead and neutral.

"Do you like Orochimaru?" I ask next, grin stretching further at the corners.

Hinata is looking at me, I can feel her eyes on the side of my head. But I keep my own eye contact with Itachi, barely blinking. He still doesn't respond.

"He has a strange interest in your brother, you know," I tell him. I lean forward, and make my voice real low, like a whisper, like I'm revealing a secret. "I know for a fact that he transferred Sasuke to Oto."

Hinata falls into a small coughing fit. "E-excuse me," she murmurs, and walks out of the room to wait in the hallway.

My smile falls. Itachi's eyes have narrowed.

"I would have heard of that," he tells me, voice as hollow as his eyes.

"What, you think you're exempt from being left in the dark by the people here?" I shrug and lean back to cross my arms, closing my eyes and yawning. "Don't believe me, then. It doesn't matter to me."

I get up as if to leave.

"Wait," comes Itachi's voice.

I grin, but stop when I turn around to lift an eyebrow and sit back down.

"What is it that you want exactly?" he asks me coldly.

"Well, now we're getting somewhere." I look into his dark eyes, and my voice gets deathly serious. "I want you to move Sakura Haruno back to the teen ward downstairs. I want a trustworthy nurse supervising the distribution of her meds. That's all."

"That Haruno girl?" His eyes narrow once more.

"Her name is Sakura," I correct him.

"How would that benefit me in any way?" he asks next.

"Look, you don't like me, right?" No response. "Well, you don't have to answer, I know you don't. But I'm assuming you'd prefer if Sasuke was here instead of with that creepy snake-bastard."

I pause, as if I am expecting a response. Predictably, I get none. But hey, that's life.

I lean forward, and lower my voice again, glancing at the door. "Send me to Oto. I'll get your brother back."

"And how do you intend to do that?' he murmurs.

"Che." I grin and lean back once more, throwing my hands behind my head. "Don't you know already? Naruto Uzumaki always has a plan!"

"That is a ridiculous answer," he tells me.

"Well I'm a ridiculous person," I shoot back. "Buuuut, as far as I can see, I'm the only chance your brother has right now, 'cause you know Orochimaru's not gonna listen to _you_. And if I do you a favor, you do me a favor. Got it?"

Itachi closes his eyes, and stands. "Naruto Uzumaki," he says, "If you bring my brother back, I will grant you your favor."

The guard comes in and walks him out.

**x**

Hinata is twiddling her fingers nervously in the hallway when I come back out.

"A-ah, Naruto," she says when she sees me. "What happened?"

"Mm?" I look at her. "Oh, nothing."

Her eyes get this soft but suspicious look to them. "Please don't lie to me," she says, voice stronger than I've ever heard it.

I rub the back of my neck after the initial shock wears away. We start walking back towards the front desk and elevator. "Look," I finally say. "I'm gonna be going away for a while, but I'll be back soon, okay?"

She gives a firm nod, but the look has not left her eyes. "Okay," she says.

**x**

It is a week later in the Cafeteria, at lunch, when Shikamaru taps me on the shoulder. I look up at him, and he yawns in my face.

"...Ew," I say, scrunching my nose.

"Doctor Tsunade wants to see you in her office," he tells me. I smile, and stand up, and follow him, ignoring the many curious looks from the other patients at the table.

When we get into the hallway, I see Hinata leaning against one of the walls, and it strikes me just how lonely and pretty she looks standing there. She is staring at the floor, but glances up when she hears us coming.

"Shikamaru, Miss Shizune told me she needs your help in the recreation room. There's a situation with Kiba and Akamaru."

"Man," Shikamaru groans, rubbing the back of his head. "What a drag."

"Buck up," I tell him, hitting his shoulder. He only rubs at the spot and sighs tiredly.

Hinata smiles her sweet smile. "I can walk Naruto the rest of the way."

**x**

We walk to the office in silence. When we get to the door and Hinata goes to open it, I stop her.

"Wait," I say. She turns to look at me. I stare down at the floor. The skin on my face and ears feels hot. "I, uh, I just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" she asks. I can only imagine how red her own face must be. We both look up at the same time. My confidence comes back with eye contact.

"Yeah, you've been a really big help for me so far, and I just wanted to thank you for that. I mean, I haven't been here for a while yet, but I already screwed so much stuff up, and it's nice when someone sticks by you anyway."

"You're welcome," she tells me quietly. "And I want to thank you too."

"For what?"

She blushes hotly.

"E-everything."

**x**

Imagine my surprise when we walk into the office and Iruka is standing in front of the empty desk.

I let out a happy shout and give him a big, welcoming hug, and quite possibly a minor coronary. He pries me off, laughing.

Grinning, I ask, "Where've you been lately?"

He laughs again. "It hasn't been that long, has it?"

"Long enough."

"Well, work's been kind of hectic." He notices Hinata, who is smiling quietly in the background. "And who is this?"

"Oh," I say. "That's Hinata, she's, um... she works here."

"Hello, Hinata," Iruka says kindly, smiling and offering a hand to shake. "I'm Iruka Umino, Naruto's guardian."

She shakes his hand lightly. "Nice to m-meet you, Mister Umino."

"Call me Iruka, please. I hate formalities," he tells her, as I make gagging noises in the background.

I glance at the empty desk. "So where's the old hag?" I ask.

Iruka gives me a nasty look. "Who?"

Hinata giggles daintily. "Doctor Tsunade will be here in a minute."

"Ah, right," says Iruka, looking at me angrily. "She's the one who called me here. What have you done now?"

"Nothing, nothing!" I lift my hands as if to defend myself. "Probably just, uhh, something about my meds... or something."

"Or something?" Iruka looks suspicious now, and I shift uncomfortably.

Then the hag stomps into the room as if she is carrying a thunderstorm behind her.

"You," she says darkly, pointing at me, "You have some major explaining to do."

"Huh?" I ask smartly.

"Doctor," Iruka asks, "What exactly is this about?"

She slams a small pile of papers down on her desk. "These," she says, gesturing to them with an angry sweep of her hand. "Do you know what these are, Uzumaki?"

"Uh. No."

"These are transfer papers!" She yanks out a drawer and pulls out a nice-looking pen. "Transfer papers to move you to the Oto institution!"

Iruka's face goes pale. "Who signed off on these?" he asks.

She points at the neat and slim signature at the bottom left corner of the papers. "One of the co-owners of the hospital. I have no doubt the other one will sign as well. And because they're my bosses, I have no choice but to sign too. If I want to keep my job that is." She leans over the papers and furiously scribbles her name across a blank line. Then she flips to the back page, and scribbles something there too.

"Who requested these?" Iruka asks frantically, snatching the papers and flipping through them. "Shouldn't I be have to sign off on it too?"

The hag shakes her head. "According to law, you aren't his legal guardian yet. The papers don't require your signature. As for whose idea this was, I thought we should ask him." She turns to look at me.

I lick my lips and narrow my eyes a little. "I did it," I say. "I requested to be moved."

Iruka looks so lost. "But why?"

"I have to do something. I made a promise, and I intend to see it through."

"You have no idea," Tsunade hisses, shaking her head. "You don't know what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing!" I shout. "I'm just so sick of everybody trying to make decisions for me! Goddammit, I'm not a little lost kid anymore!"

"Is that why you're doing this then? To _spite_ us?"

"No, that's not what I meant!" My chest starts heaving a little. I have to reign the monster back into me, it wants to burst out so bad. "Look, I'm going, and neither of you can stop me."

"You're right," Tsunade says. Iruka looks at her as if she is insane. "We can't do anything right now. But when you end up regretting your choice later, don't you dare blame us. Got it, brat?"

I grin.

"Got it."

Iruka shakes his head. "I can't handle this right now."

"Hinata, please escort Mister Umino out."

Hinata nods, and opens the door. Iruka doesn't even look at me as he walks out. It makes my insides feel like shit.

But the hag snaps me out of it.

"There are things, circumstances, that you know nothing about, brat." Her hazel eyes stare at me steadily, hiding something. "I know what you're trying to accomplish. I wish you luck with it. It's noble. But there's no room for that here."

I nod. "I'll try and remember that," I tell her. She reaches into the still-open drawer and yanks out a bottle of what can only be alcohol.

"Good," she says, taking a swig of the drink. "And be safe."

I nod once more.

When Hinata comes back, Tsunade asks her to bring me to my room to get anything I might of left there. I am leaving tonight.

We walk in silence once more.

"Do you hate me now?" I eventually ask her.

She shakes her head. "I could never," she says.

It's weird, but that makes me feel a hell of a lot better about what I'm doing.

**x**

Hinata waits politely in the hallway when I walk into the room. I get a garbage bag to put my crap in. My old clothes are in it, too.

I close the door behind me. First, I look at Sasuke's abandoned bed, still messy and unmade. Then I turn to mine. I don't think I really have much to pack.

I walk into the itsy bitsy bathroom and toss my toothbrush in, and my other stuff. You know, soap, some shampoo, that kind of stuff.

Then I go back into the tiny room. I drop the nearly empty garbage bag onto the floor and flop myself onto my bed. I cross my arms behind my head, and stare up at the water-stained ceiling. I rest my eyes for a comfortable minute. Then I sigh, and sit up.

When I go to pick up my bag, I see that the top of it has opened and my toothbrush has fallen under the bed. I curse and go down onto my knees, searching in the shadowed area, reaching blindly with my right hand. I find my toothbrush.

As I pull it out, my fingers brush up against something else. It feels gross and slimy. I retract my hand quickly.

I almost laugh when I realize that the apple core from my first night is still here.

**x**

I go out into the hallway in good humor. Hinata smiles at me.

"All done?" she asks.

I nod, then pause. "Would you mind just taking me one more place?" I ask her.

"Sure," she says, curiosity lacing her voice.

**x**

Sakura's new room is all the way at the end of the hallway upstairs. It has a really big window on the padlocked door. I'm kind of afraid to look through it.

Hinata has to enter a code on a small number pad to open the door.

"It has to be a short visit," she tells me, even more quiet than usual. "She doesn't have visitation rights yet, we could get into trouble."

I only nod, and take a deep breath, walking in.

Hinata, once again, waits in the hallway.

Sakura is on a starch white bed. She is strapped there with restraints. There is no life in the room.

At first I think she is sleeping, but then I realize she is beyond drugged up. Her eyes are open and glazed and unaware. Her hair is unbrushed and fanned across her pillow. Her skin is pale and chalky. Oh god, she looks like an abandoned doll.

It makes my eyes burn, to be in here.

I walk right up to the side of her bed.

"I'll get you out of here," I say softly. "And I'll bring Sasuke back."

I wipe at my eyes. I will not cry, I will not cry.

"That's a promise."

**x**

When I go out into the hallway, Hinata only looks at my face searchingly, and does not have to ask the question.

"I'm ready," I tell her.

She smiles at me, softly. "I know."

**x**

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-

(haven't updated in a while, have i?)

(hehe, apologies.)

(anyway. big stuff happening the next few chapters.)

(_hoo_rah.)

-

**-PM-**


	12. felonious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(oasis is de shiz.)

(anyway. felt the impulse to update.)

(actually, i would've updated sooner, but the original version of this chapter was lost.)

(many thanks for the awesome reviews!)

**x**

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…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**t**)(**w**)(**e**)(**l**)(**v**)(**e**)

felonious

**-**

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…

**x**

I've had my fair share of nightmares, real and make-believe and everything in-between. Some ridiculous, some that still make me shudder.

The worst one was a dream I had a lot. Iruka said it was _recurring_. Which I think is psycho-speak for something. But whatever.

Anyway, this one was pretty tame. Yet every night, when I was sleeping and it popped into my dumbass deteriorating head, I'd wake up, fast and harsh, like someone had blown a bugle into my ear or punched me in the gut. Sometimes I'd be shouting and sweating, sometimes even crying.

The dream went like this:

I'm some random age (it changes). I'll be outside a white building. The building is always naked— no windows, no creases between bricks, not even a spot of graffiti. It's always the only thing I can see in the dream, no other places around it.

Someone will come and stand next to me. The person always changes, too. They take my hand, whether it's round with baby-fat or thinned with adolescence or wrinkled with old age.

They say, "Come on, Naruto."

They take me into the building. I don't know how we get in the building, just that all of a sudden, we're inside.

It's terrifying in there. There are no walls, not even a freaking color surrounding me. Just… blank. Completely blank and soundless and empty. I look around, feel my heart pound like it never has before; feel cold rivers of sweat raise goosebumps along my spine. I look next to me, for reassurance, for guidance, for some goddamn help.

The person is gone.

I'm alone.

I open my mouth to scream—

And then I wake up.

**x**

Hinata asks me if I want to say goodbye to everyone else, but I tell her I'd rather not.

"What's the point?" I ask her, grinning, pounding one fist against my chest. "I'll be back before they even notice I'm gone."

She doesn't look convinced, just worn out. She is walking me down the hallway. My stupid garbage bag is hanging over my shoulder, swinging around and hitting my back, and I suddenly feel… nervous.

We reach the gate that leads out of the unit. Hinata unlocks it. I take a deep breath, and walk through it, stepping carefully onto the tile. We keep walking until we reach the front entrance. I eye the people that are standing around and grip my bag a little tighter. We go through the first set of glass doors that lead to the second, but stop in the little waiting area in-between.

Hinata points at the exit, and I look through the glass to see a small white van sitting outside near the curb. A man in this crisp white outfit is leaning against the doors on the back of it, smoking and glancing impatiently at his watch.

"That will take you there," she says, voice even smaller than usual. She swallows and opens her mouth again. "Naruto—"

"Hinata," I cut in. She blinks. I smile a little. "I'll, er… I'll miss you. While I'm gone."

I watch her face grow red, really red, and shuffle my feet a little.

"I'll, um," she pauses and ducks her head down low, long ink-colored hair falling down like a curtain. I can barely hear her voice anymore. "I'll miss you too."

"Hinata," I say again.

She looks up, pretty eyes wide, face flushed, and this feeling comes out of nowhere and just fills me, I guess, because—

I kiss her, full on the mouth.

When I pull away, my lips are tingling and my stomach is soaring. Hinata is pressing her fingers against her mouth delicately.

I cough. The grip I have on my bag gets so tight that my fingers practically rip through it.

I can't help grinning like an idiot.

"See ya!" I call, giving her a quick salute over my shoulder as I turn to leave.

The glass doors slide open. I step out into the sunlight, and throw a glance over my shoulder.

Hinata is standing in the exact same place, still touching her lips.

My grin gets wider. I walk over to the driver-guy, who looks pretty amused at this point.

I get shuffled into the back of the van. I sit down on the hard seat in it, look up. The last thing I see as the double doors are shut is the entrance of the hospital, and Hinata standing in it.

**x**

The ride there is long, boring, and dark. I keep jumping in my seat, thanks to all the bumps in the road. I try taking a nap, but the jumps keep waking me up.

I finally manage to get to sleep.

I have the dream.

Sakura is the person that leads me inside and then disappears this time.

I wake up with a shout and the sick feeling of nausea in my stomach.

The next thing I know, the doors are thrown open, and some beefy guy that looks vaguely familiar drags me out into the sun. It makes my eyes burn for a little bit. As I'm pulled towards the hospital, I try taking a look at it.

It's white and there are barely any windows. It towers over me, like some freaking giant. It looks eerily similar to the building in my dream.

I'm shoved through the front doors.

The first thing that meets my ears is an agonized scream, so full of hurt and insanity that it makes my legs stop working for a second. My blood runs cold. The beefy guy shoves at my back.

There are lots of small sounds, some closer, some farther. There is unnatural laughter and inane chatter and screams and whimpers and sick little whispers.

The tiles are dirty. The walls need a bad paint-job. Some of the lights are flickering.

The nurses walking around all look angry and stern. The woman behind the desk gives me a dark look as I'm dragged over there. My upper arm is starting to hurt. The guy holding me signs something, some piece of paper.

The woman, still glaring at me, hands him some folded up clothes.

Then I'm being shoved along again, down an empty hallway, filled with all sorts of _sounds_.

The doors all have the tiniest of windows, about eye level, with bars on it. So many eyes are peeking out. I want to throw up so bad.

We stop at the last door on the right. The guys unlocks it, throws me inside, follows me in. He tosses the pile of clothes at me.

"Change," he orders, crossing his thick arms across his chest. I unfold the clothes with shaky hands. They're gray and old and worn out. I look at the man, but he doesn't seem to be leaving any time soon.

Just like the locker room, I try telling myself, but I know it's not true. I pull off my shirt, replace it with the new one, and do the same with my pants.

The guy rips my old stuff out of my hands and shoves them into my garbage bag, which he doesn't give back.

He walks over. "Put your arms up." I do it. He frisks me, searching, and I try to count the cracks in the ceiling as he does.

Then he takes my bag, turns, and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.

I rub my arms, as if I can comfort myself. I look around the room. The cot is small and the sheets look old and stiff. There is barely any room to move. Just the bed, the door, the four corners.

I sit on the bed, and curl up.

**x**

It's a few hours later when my door is thrown open. I've been trying to sleep, so my eyes are closed, but they burst wide-awake.

"Dinner," a voice snarls.

I get up and walk out into the hallway, joining a few other wanderers. Guys and women in white try glaring us into submission.

God, this place is such a shit hole.

(_promise u made a promise_)

I see the door of the cafeteria, which is some small little crowded room with old tables and plastic chairs that belong in a dump. My eyes search. This is my chance to find Sasuke.

I grab a plastic tray, still searching, and it gets filled with a little bit of stuff. The food doesn't look edible, but I expected that. Guys in the hospital uniform stand around sternly. Supervisors.

When I see Sasuke, he is sitting down at a nearby table.

There is a girl with neon pink hair and a beanie leaning over his shoulder and talking in his face, but he is ignoring her. Behind him are a few other guys— some fat man with an orange Mohawk, a short guy with beady eyes and brown hair, and some pale kid with white hair and the creepiest damn smile I've ever seen.

I swallow and make my way over there.

As I do, Sasuke finally responds to the girl, some short answer, probably being a wise-ass. The girl sputters. I can hear her from here.

"Fucking asshole! Stupid motherfucker, I'll tear your eyes out!"

The fat man sighs and says, "Tayuya, that's no way for a lady to speak."

She turns on him, clenching one small fist. "Shut up, fatass! I'll say whatever I damn well want to!"

Sasuke gets up as they all start arguing and moves to another table. I follow. He leans his face on his hand, elbow on table. He's thinner and paler and the faded gray outfit makes him look even worse.

I sit down next to him, but he doesn't look up.

"What's up, bastard?" I ask, taking a smug bite of mashed potatoes and barely keeping it down.

He jumps a little and turns to look at me, hand dropping to his side, eyes widening. I grin.

"What…?" he mutters, blinking. A pause, then, "You fucking moron! What are you _doing_ here?!"

Now it's my turn to be surprised. I lean back a little, eyes widening. "Um… That's not exactly the greeting I was expecting…"

Sasuke looks like he wants to kill me. "Idiot," he seethes.

"What the hell?" I ask, throwing my arms up in the air. I see one of the guys against the walls eyeing us, so I lower my voice. "What's wrong with you? I came to _help_!"

He shakes his head.

"Idiot," he says again, teeth clenched. "You're going to ruin _everything_."

**x**

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(oh-ho-ho-_ho._)

(i wonder what _that_ means.)

(short chapter, but i needed to end it there. oh well.)

(review?)

(-_eager face_-)

-

**-PM-**


	13. odious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(had a lotta ramblers reviewing last chapter.)

(yesss. keep it _up_.)

(ILU GUYZ.)

(;D)

**x**

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…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**t**)(**h**)(**i**)(**r**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

odious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

I hate, _hate_, people that hurt other people for no good reason.

There was this kid once, when I was still being pin-balled through the system, that went to my school and liked to be an asshole because he was fourteen and still in the sixth grade. The school I went to then was kind of a foster home itself-- we got all the rejects kicked out of other schools, a lot of people got filtered and recycled. I was in fifth grade I think, maybe fourth, it doesn't really matter.

Anyway, I was just kind of sitting by myself that day on a swing at recess and trying to block out Kyuubi's whispers (he wasn't that big of a problem back then, but it was a Bad Day), when the kid came up to me and shoved me into the sand.

"Dumbass," he sneered, trying to show me his age and superiority and all that shit.

I had sand in my mouth. I spit it out and wanted to cry or hit something because it was gross and Kyuubi was laughing darkly in my ear now, calling me all sorts of names.

"Idiot," the kid said next, "You're so freakin' _stupid_."

Someone else laughed, then more kids. It mixed with Kyuubi's and I saw red.

I socked the kid in the face, the stomach, the face, the nose, and didn't stop until I was pulled off by a teacher.

The principal asked me why I did it.

"He deserved it," I told him. Firmly.

**x**

I shove my tray away. "What the hell are you talking about, asshole?" I ask.

Sasuke shakes his head and breathes deeply. He glances behind us, at the guys in white that seem to be staring steadily at us by now. "Can't tell you here," he mutters, fisting one of his hands.

I pause, but nod. "Fine, but don't think I won't get it outta you later."

He snorts, and we sit in silence for a minute, until the Supervisors finally look away.

"How's Sakura?" Sasuke finally asks, staring down at his tray blankly.

I hesitate. "She, uh, she misses you," I tell him.

He looks up at me. "But how is she?"

"... Okay," I say, pushing my tray away and keeping my eyes on the ugly table.

Sasuke gets up. "You're a bad fucking liar, Uzumaki," he mutters, walking away.

I sigh. "I know," I whisper to myself.

**x**

I get up the next morning without getting any sleep the night before; I won't even try describing the sounds I heard or how much I felt like throwing up. I feel way too shaky, but I walk the hallway to the cafeteria anyway, intent on cornering Sasuke at some point for the story.

I get my food, glance at my tray, and then walk over to one of the Supervisors.

The guy narrows his brown eyes at me.

"Uhh," I say, feeling myself shrink. "I, uh, I'm supposed to get my meds with dinner and breakfast, but I didn't get any last night or now and I was wondering if you did it different around here or what."

The guy just glares at me. "Go eat," he commands, voice deep.

"But I need my meds."

"Go. Eat."

I narrow my own eyes, but walk over to the same table as last night, putting my tray down and yanking out my seat. "Freak," I mutter, sitting down.

Sasuke walks in a couple of minutes later, straight to the table without any food.

I stop poking at my runny blob of pale yellow eggs and look at him as he sits. "Um, hey," I say. "Aren't you getting anything?"

"Did they give you your medication?" he asks.

I blink. "No," I say. I gesture to the Supervisor I talked to. "And that asshole didn't tell me why."

"Dammit," Sasuke sighs.

"Why?" I ask. "Do you know something?"

Sasuke rubs a hand over his face. "Sasuke?" I ask.

"If they give you something that doesn't look like what you usually take," he tells me, "don't take it."

Some of the Supervisors are staring over at us again. I wonder if he usually gets this attention. I take another bite of eggs, trying not to wince as my stomach squirms. "You better tell me what the hell is going on soon, or I'll go even crazier."

Sasuke doesn't snort like I expected him too. Instead he leans closer to me and says, "Sakura's been getting worse, hasn't she?"

"Yes," I finally admit.

"They're not giving her the right medicine," Sasuke says, and my heart drops into my stomach even though I suspected something like this. "They're giving her something, I don't know what, but it's not right. It makes her more paranoid."

I nod and swallow thickly. "Why?" I ask hoarsely.

"Orochimaru likes to experiment," he says, leaning away again. "I told you that already."

"That _bastard_," I respond, gripping my plastic spork in a tight fist.

Sasuke glares at me. "Keep your voice down idiot."

I look at him. "What about you?" I ask.

"What?" he replies.

"You," I say, noticing the Supervisors that are suddenly walking towards us. Shitshitshit.

Sasuke follows my eyes and curses under his breath.

"YOU FUCKERS!!!"

I jump and gape at the cafeteria doors, where that Tayuya girl from last night is being held back by the fat guy with the orange mohawk. She's crying and thrashing around, making such a scene that the Supervisors look away from me and Sasuke and run over to her instead.

"You _assholes_! Mother_fuckers_! You killed Sakon, you _killed_ him!"

I hate watching people break down like this, it makes me wonder when my time will come and my chest gets all tight. I look away and breathe through my nose.

"Sasuke," I ask through all the chaos, clenching and unclenching my hands under the table. "What exactly am I ruining?"

His face is blank when he stares at me and opens his mouth to answer, but suddenly there is a Supervisor that neither of us noticed through the screaming hysteria behind him, gripping his shoulder.

"All patients are to report back to their rooms," he intones, hand curling into Sasuke's shoulder getting tighter, tighter, tighter.

Sasuke glares flatly at him and pulls his shoulder away. We leave the cafeteria in silence, getting swept up in the sparse crowd of patients and Supervisors. I wince as I go past Tayuya; they are trying fruitlessly to control her, but she's fiery and upset and adrenaline-driven, and they can't. Rather than sedating her, like I expect them to, one of the bigger Supervisors merely smashes the back of her head, knocking her out cold.

Her beanie falls off and onto the floor, and bright pink hair spills out over her face as she slumps onto the floor.

"Hey!" I shout, wanting to do something, but Sasuke pulls me away by the arm and shakes his head.

"Don't," he says.

"Did you see what they just did?" I ask him loudly, ignoring the few Supervisors glaring at me from the edges of the crowd.

"It could've been worse," Sasuke tells me, dropping my arm.

"You really are a bastard," I tell him, my eyes and ears burning with anger.

(**CRUSH THEM HURT THEM THEY DESERVE IT HURT THEM HURT THEM HURT THEM**)

"Yeah," Sasuke says, then turns to go into his room.

I go into mine and cry into my pillow.

**x**

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-

(_conspiracy!_)

(if only they had neji with them.)

(more revealed next chapter.)

(see you guys laterrr.)

-

**-PM-**


	14. loquacious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(yo.)

(so. kanye west?)

(= the king of douchebaggary.)

(and eminem = _awesomeness_.)

(that is all.)

**x**

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…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**f**)(**o**)(**u**)(**r**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

loquacious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

There's a monster in my nightmare this morning, when I manage to fall asleep against my soggy tear-streaked pillow, feeling sad and pathetic and wrong.

It's a pale slip of nothing and everything. It says,

"_Don't scream_."

**x**

(scratch scratch scratch)

I curl up into a ball on my cold bed after I wake up, shielding myself when there's nothing to shield from. Whoever has the room next to mine is moaning, a long steady miserable sound of monotone sobs, and scratching at the walls.

(scratch scratch scratch)

"Stop," I whisper, despite knowing it's no good.

(scratch scratch scratch)

_Goddammit_, I think. How are you supposed to get _better_ in a place like this?

**_You're not._**

"Stop," I repeat, feeble through and through.

(scratch scratch scratch)

I clench my eyes shut until I see silver stars explode at the corners, and I throw my hands over my ears, and I lower my head between my knees.

(scratch

scratch

scratch)

**x**

Time's going so slow; the scratching is mapping the seconds for me and I try and fail to figure out if lunch is soon or not. I hear footsteps in the hallway, heavy ones, and then my door is opened and I sit up to see the big guy with orange hair step in.

"Get up," he says, and I stand shakily.

"Follow me," he says next, and I walk out into the hallway with him.

"Where are we going?" I ask when we pass the cafeteria doors without going in. He doesn't answer me. "Where are we going?" I ask again, louder, eyes narrowing.

No answer. "_Hey_," I say, louder, louder, "Where-"

We stop in front of a door. He opens it and says, "Go inside," and I roll my eyes but listen, and he comes in too, and the door closes behind us silently, some kind of omen.

I'm in an office, a gray depressing, dimly lit, sparsely furnished office, and it must be less than forty degrees in here, it's freezing. Behind the dull metal desk sits Orochimaru, and standing behind him is that asshole Kabuto, smiling at me like we're old buddies.

I glare heavily at him, then at Orochimaru, and stick close to the door.

The big Supervisor behind me locks it with a soft _click_.

"Hello, Naruto," Orochimaru says. His voice is slick with business and honey. He stands up behind his desk and disinterestedly examines me. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah," I say.

He smiles at me and my stomach twists three different ways. "We'll be sure to make your stay comfortable, of course," he lies, gold eyes twinkling deadly.

"Yeah," I say again, but my voice is shaky.

"Hm," he glances at Kabuto, who nods shortly and steps forward. "Doctor Kabuto here will give you... the guided tour." His lips thin as he grins wider.

_Click_. The door is pushed open.

Kabuto brushes past me and out into the hallway, but I don't move yet. Those gold eyes are still on me, mocking and sadistic and hungry.

"I hope we meet again soon," Orochimaru concludes sweetly, sitting down.

I feel my eyes narrow. The words push up from my hammering chest, burn acid through my throat, and bubble out past my lips. "_Fuck_ you."

The guard behind me moves forward as if to grab me, but Orochimaru waves him away, smile still twisting his pasty face.

I walk out into the hallway with an angry frown and cross my arms when I reach Kabuto. The Supervisor comes out too, to walk behind us as Kabuto starts moving and I follow reluctantly.

He shows me where the cafeteria is, which I know already, and the hallways of rooms, pale luminescent corridors with dusty tiles and looming doorways. Next, to the therapy room, which is closed. Beside the bulky gray door is a rectangular box that reads "In Session", and the box is lit up, which, he explains, means someone's having their appointment right now. I hear whimpering behind the door and try not to puke. I wonder when it will be my turn.

Finally, there is the hallway we just left, with a couple of offices in it.

"What about the other floors?" I ask.

The lenses of his glasses catch the light and hide his eyes. "You don't need to know about those," he says lowly, smiling, and the Supervisor chuckles.

I swallow and feel a muscle in my jaw twitch. "Do we get any free time?" I ask next, small sliver of hope breaking through.

"Of course," Kabuto answers. "Breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

"Of course," I mutter.

Kabuto smiles and checks his expensive watch. "As a mater of fact, it's lunch time now."

"Yeah," I say. "I better get going then."

"Say hi to your friend for me," he answers, knowingly. I pause, and look at him.

Then I turn around and follow the hulking Supervisor down the hall.

**x**

"I really hate those sons of bitches," I say as I plop myself down next to Sasuke.

"You and everybody else here."

"Yeah, well." I rub the back of my neck and drop my plastic fork onto the table by accident. I pick it back up and ask, "What's the deal with the therapy sessions?"

Sasuke glances at me. "They're different for everyone," he says. "Use your imagination."

"I'd rather not."

He smirks grimly and we fall into silence. Then he says, "I found out," his eyes flash towards the Supervisors, who are eyeing us like usual, and he lowers his voice. "I found out what happened to Sakon."

I look at him in surprise, then back down at my lumpy food. "Yeah?"

"They overdosed him on a new drug Orochimaru's been testing out," Sasuke mutters with disgust.

I fist my hands tightly. "How do they get away with crap like that?" I bite out.

"It's easy. The doctors here are certified. They put him back in his room, say he killed himself and they get off free." He shakes his head. "No one believes us, we're supposed to be insane."

"That is such bullshit." I slam my hand on the table, I can't help it, there's so much anger inside and I just can't control it sometimes, especially off my meds. "And what about Tayuya? What'd they do with her?"

Sasuke glances at my hand and then the glaring Supervisors before he answers. "She's been in... _therapy_, all day."

"Goddammit," I hiss. The grip I have on my plastic fork bends it a little.

Sasuke doesn't say anything more, just keeps his eyes glued to the guys in white.

"At dinner," I finally say, "You're telling me everything. _Everything_, got it? The fucking _truth_."

He nods, but his gaze never wavers.

**x**

But when I go back for dinner later, I can't find Sasuke anywhere. I sit at our usual spot and he doesn't show for ten minutes. And there's a weird, foreboding kind of feeling sitting in my stomach.

So I go over to one of the Supervisors, a smaller one this time, with long hair and narrow eyes.

"Yes?" he snaps.

"Uh," I say, a little taken aback. "Do you know where a patient is? Sasuke Uchiha?"

"Uchiha?"

"Yeah, tall guy, dark hair..." I stop when the guy smiles.

"Sasuke Uchiha," he says, voice like poison, "is in a therapy session at the moment."

**x**

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(_-dramatic music-_)

(ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER.)

(run for the hills!)

-

**-PM-**


	15. noxious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(guess who's finally updating?? it got to the point where people threatened me, so...)

(yeah.)

(OH YEAH. and i'm accepting requests for holiday stories for anyone who wants one.)

(include prompts and other required info and all that jazz. in a PM preferably.)

(now read onnn~!)

**x**

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**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**f**)(**i**)(**f**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

noxious

**-**

…

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…

**x**

_**Everything you touch withers.**_

_Shut up._

_**Does the truth scare you?**__i_

_Shut UP._

_**You are a destroyer of lives.**_

_SHUT UP._

_**Pathetic boy. This place will not protect you from the real monsters.**_

Blue eyes blink like worn jewels.

_**You must do that on your own.**_

Eyelids slide closed like dark curtains.

"I know," I whisper.

**x**

_"What?" I had asked in disbelief. The Supervisor only glared at me._

_"You heard me," he said. "Now return to your table and wait to go back to your room."_

_I had snarled at him._

(is everyone in this place corrupt satanic heartless)

I pound my fist against the wall beside my bed.

_Why, _I knock my fist against it again_,_

_Why, _pound_,_

_Why, _pound_,_

_WHY, _I hit it one more time and then drop the fist, knuckles sore with fading numbness.

I hold my hand over my face and stare dully at my curled fingers, flexing them.

_Why am I so toxic?_

My head's getting so cluttered up with thoughts, a pang rings through my skull and makes it thrum. This whole place is just one big conspiracy. It isn't helping.

I know they put Sasuke into "therapy" thanks to my big mouth at lunch. I know they wanna keep him quiet and I ruined something, something important, and why am I so toxic?

Sakura's vulnerable doll-like face floats across my mind. I throw my arm over my eyes to blacken the room. The images come faster.

Iruka's disappointment. Tsunade's anger. Hinata's worry--

_Hinata._

I peek open one eye, so that only a slit of light breaks in. Then I reach for that light with my other hand--

"I miss you," I mutter; the words come out broken and too soft.

--until I drop it back by my side.

_**Sentimental fool.**_

"Shut up," I mutter weakly, curling and uncurling my fingers, my hand lying limply beside me. It feels cold.

I drift into an uncomfortable and taunting half-sleep, turning onto my side and staring groggily at the water-stained wall.

_I hate myself_, I think. _Sometimes I really hate myself._

Not even safe in my own mind, I hear,

_**So end it.**_

"Stop talking to me," I whisper roughly to the wall. I think it laughs. But I'm not sure.

I turn over so that my face is pressed into the scratchy, dirty case of the pillow. My stomach is hollow against my ribs. I think the pseudo-darkness will block out the sounds. There is no voice, but I can hear the beating of my heart as clear as a requiem in a quiet church.

I clutch at my chest.

_(th-thump th-thump th-thump th-thump)_

"Stop it," I command into the fabric of the pillowcase.

But it keeps beating.

_(th-thump th-thump th-thump th-thump)_

"F_uck_ life."

**x**

I fit right in with the ghost-like patients as we all walk towards the Cafeteria, surrounded by the Supervisors.

The dead weight of my broken promise sits on my back like a black mass. I have realized optimism is not sure-fire way to avoid probable failure.

I grit my teeth and glance at the man standing to the left of me. He is old, bearded. His skin is sickly pale and withered; dark eyes sit like dull marbles under the bushy silver eyebrows and stare at nothing in particular. A tiny river of drool leaks from the corner of his cracked lips.

He catches my gaze, blinks owlishly. And smiles dumbly, revealing missing teeth. I swallow harshly and turn away.

That will never be me. That much I'm sure of.

The man puts a skeletal hand on my shoulder and makes a strange, guttural noise.

I pull away and move towards the front of the slow-moving crowd.

**x**

I pick up a piece of soggy toast and take a tiny, unsatisfying nibble off a corner. It's edible. I shove the rest into my mouth and my stomach rumbles form a mixture of relief and protest. I pick up the other piece and bring it towards my mouth--

"Slow down, idiot. The food won't disappear if you don't inhale it."

I drop the toast and spin around. "Sasuke?" I say in stifled disbelief.

He walks around the edge of the table and sits across from me. He leans his elbow on the tabletop and places his chin against his hand. Faint purple splotches rest under his eyes, which are flat and hollow.

"I..." I pick my toast back up and nibble at it. "Where've you been, asshole?" I ask, lowering my gaze to my tray.

Sasuke blinks slowly; I am struck with the image of the frazzled man in the hallway.

"Nowhere special," he murmurs. His eyes roam over my face apathetically. "You look like crap."

I can't help it; a hysterical laugh jumps out of my throat and disrupts the quiet atmosphere of the subdued cafeteria. Heads turn.

As a reflex, I glance covertly towards the Supervisors.

Sasuke closes his eyes briefly, sighing. "Please, for once, try not to cause a scene."

I swallow my over-chewed bite of toast and put the food back down. I've suddenly lost my appetite.

Sasuke looks at me from the corners of his eyes. He sighs again, leaning back, then forward on both his elbows. I lean in more too.

"I still have to tell you," he mutters quietly.

I shake my head lightly. "They'll put you back in... there. You shouldn't do it here--"

"Where else do you expect me to tell you anything? This isn't like Konoha, we can't just walk around and talk." He sits normally, glaring at me. "Lean back more, you're making it look obvious."

The taunt doesn't anger me. It kind of scares me. I move back.

"Didn't they... Last night..." I trail off and cough.

Sasuke's face falls carefully back into a shielded mask. "I've been in therapy before, moron. It's not as bad as they make it out to be."

I smell a lie, but I keep my mouth shut.

Sasuke continues, "They can't scare me out of doing what I'm doing. I'm way past that."

"Well," I ask, "Do they even know?"

He shakes his head. "That's what's killing them. They're suspicious, but they don't know anything."

I want to look at the Supervisors out of paranoia, but then they might sense something.

I scratch the back of my head.

"Tell me," I finally mutter. "Start from the beginning."

He runs a hand through his hair and focuses his gaze anywhere but me.

He says, "I'm not actually a pyromaniac."

"What?" I ask, brow furrowing. I smooth it out. "What are you then?"

He shakes his head. "I'm not anything."

I feel my head get clouded.

"I," Sasuke says, "I'm not even supposed to be here."

"What... Then why...?"

Crossing his arms, he continues, "I'm not even... remotely insane. Well," he rethinks his phrasing, "Not _legally_ at least."

Struck speechless, I can only come up with, "All those years, though... Who...?"

"Don't you get it?" Sasuke's eyes narrow. "Orochimaru set me up."

**x**

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(mmm. i think i'm too attached to my cliffhangers.)

(more secrets and background story in next chapter.)

(OMG PLZ STOP ITALICIZING EVERYTHING WHEN I SAVE MY CHANGES.)

(kthxbai.)

-

**-PM-**


	16. capacious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(OH MY JESUS.)

(um. so hey. i love you guys and all, but.)

(kinda maybe starting to get harassed in PMs by many people.)

(sorry, i know i update infrequently, but i usually have my reasons and i don't exactly get encouraged when some people get rude in their messages.)

(on a happier note, last chapter got the least hits but the most reviews.)

(that makes cassie happy.)

(like so:)

:D

**x**

…

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…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**s**)(**i**)(**x**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

capacious

**-**

…

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…

**x**

So a couple years ago, I came home from another day of living Hell (also known as high school), and Iruka was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

I put down my empty backpack— homework had little importance— and walked in to grab some food when I saw him and jumped in surprise.

"Hey," I said, laughing nervously at my show of idiocy. "Uh… aren't you, y'know, supposed to be at work?"

He looked up and didn't smile. Iruka always smiled. I scratched my ear and crinkled my eyebrows.

"I left early," he said.

"Oh," was my reply. "Do you, uh, feel okay?"

He nodded in conformation, unable to look me in the eye. I turned back to the fridge and rustled through some stuff to kill the silent awkwardness.

"Naruto," he eventually called, after I had searched the fridge, freezer, and every cabinet with no luck.

"Yeah?" I said absentmindedly, sniffing at some old peanut butter.

"I lost my job," he sighed.

I slammed the peanut butter down and turned around. "What? Why— How?"

"Someone…" He looked me in the face and frowned sadly. "Don't ever let anybody take advantage of you, Naruto."

I blinked. "Huh?"

"Some people, when they want something… they'll do anything to get it. They'll lie and cheat and steal, and even… even ruin people. It's sickening, but it's true, and you have to watch out for people like that."

I swallowed and nodded, unnerved by Iruka's words and the disenchanted look on his face. He smiled, coming out of some weird state. He stood up.

He put a hand on my shoulder as he walked out, ever the reassuring pseudo-parent, but I didn't turn my eyes away from that spot on the kitchen table.

**x**

"What?" I ask, almost hiss. "Explain."

Sasuke shifts, looking at me with haunted eyes. "When I was younger, after my parents died, I was in foster care."

I swallow.

(little useless worthless pathetic bag of shit)

(nobody cares nobody cares nobody cares)

(nobody)

_**Don't let it show.**_

I clench my fist under the table, feeling my fingernails, longer than usual from lack of clipping, bite into my skin weakly.

Sasuke looks at me oddly but doesn't comment. He continues, "Long story short, there were some… problems. I was sent to a psychologist."

"Kabuto," I guess quietly. He nods.

"I don't know how they found me, but I'm guessing some of it had to do with money and threats… He told my counselor I was unstable. That I should be watched with extreme caution." Sasuke shrugs. "I was too young to figure out what was going on behind my back.

"A few months later, my foster parents' apartment was set on fire. It burnt down completely and took down a good portion of the building with it. I was the only one in the apartment when it happened.

"When I got out of the hospital, my foster parents immediately blamed me. The firefighters blamed me. The police blamed me. All payed off, probably. My file already called me mentally unstable. 'Likely to commit acts of extreme aggression or destruction,' I think it said."

I lick my lips, glancing at the Supervisors and seeing them otherwise occupied with another patient. "So?" I prompt.

"So I was declared a pyromaniac and dumped into a new system. I ended up in a mental hospital. I was ten years old."

I stare down at the table. "That… sucks," I concede lamely.

He snorts. It has little emotion in it. "Yeah, just a little."

"But, I mean… how do you know…"

"Orochimaru set me up? The asshole told me as soon as he could. Couldn't wait to gloat. I didn't even know who he was back then."

"_Why_?"

Sasuke looks away from me. Maybe over at the Supervisors. But I'm not sure. My body feels kind of numb, like I'm in a hazy dream.

"He told me I was a threat to him." Sasuke smirks grimly. "Ten years old, and I was a threat to him. He didn't want to take the risk that the judge would decide to leave my parent's half of the hospital to me when I turned eighteen. There was a slim chance that it would turn out like that, but he's not one for taking chances that put his plans in peril."

I wipe a hand over my face. "That… I can't even imagine it. Being stuck in there, for so many—"

"Don't," Sasuke cuts in sharply.

I can't find it in myself to comment back. I've wanted to kill plenty of people in my life, maybe too many, but the people here…

"It's not like I'm the first person to get screwed over here," Sasuke murmurs.

_**Does it anger you? It angers me. Let me free, we can fix things, you made a promise, so let me free to fix things.**_

God, I feel like I'm slipping.

"Look," I finally bite out, maybe a little louder than I should to tune out that sick voice muttering in the corners of my mind. "Look, I made a p-promise."

Sasuke looks at me like I'm crazy. I don't take time to appreciate the irony.

"I have to bring you home—"

He immediately shakes his head. "No, I'm staying."

_**No one listens, do they?**_

"Dammit, _why?_"

"I came here for more reasons than you can understand, you complete and utter moron."

_**No one appreciates you, either.**_

"Don't!" I shout, because the sounds are getting louder. I grip my hair with one of my hands, the other curling around the edge of the table. "Don't call me that!"

"Shut up," Sasuke says quietly, harshly. "You don't want them—"

"Is there a problem here?" A Supervisor materializes at my side.

"No," Sasuke says quickly, firmly. The Supervisor's eyes move to me.

_**Free me. I'll show him what a real problem is.**_

"No," I mutter weakly. He looks me up and down a few times, eyes appraising.

Then he walks away.

"If anyone needs to leave here, it's you," Sasuke eventually says. "You're falling apart without your meds."

I bite at my nails. "I'm fine," I mutter, wondering who I'm really trying to convince.

"You still can't lie for shit," Sasuke replies.

"Fuck you," I whisper.

We are silent.

"Tell me why you have to stay," I say.

He shakes his head.

"At lunch."

Patients are already filing out of the Cafeteria. A nearby Supervisor gives us a warning glare.

We get up, leave, and don't see each other again for the rest of the day.

**x**

I am trying to fall asleep in my cell of a room when my door is thrown open. Kabuto stands there with the Supervisor from lunch. I jerk up and move back until I feel the firm hardness of the wall supporting me.

"Hello, Naruto," Kabuto says sweetly, cocking his head a little.

My heart beats like hummingbird wings. My stomach drops to my feet. My head is filled with nothing but smoke and fear.

I know what is coming.

"I heard you caused quite the commotion today at lunch. Out of concern we've scheduled a therapy session for you."

"I-I'm okay," I say, voice too small. "Really."

"Oh no," Kabuto replies. "You most certainly are not okay."

**x**

…

…

…

-

(J.D. Salinger died, guys. sad day for bookworms like myself.)

(R.I.P.)

(fyi, saw avatar. slow in the beginning, but overall amazing movieee.)

(and. another cliffhanger. mwahaha.)

(appreciate me, loyal subjects!)

-

**-PM-**


	17. contagious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(mmm.)

(out of lack of any witty comments to make, i've decided to include one random fact about myself every chapter henceforth.)

(so we can like bond. and connect. and stuff.)

(_PM fact of the day_: my most favorite book of all time= The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.)

(love her poetry too. my profile quotes usually come from her.)

(that is all.)

(SO GO READ NOW.)

(k thanks.)

**x**

…

…

…

**-**

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

-

(**s**)(**e**)(**v**)(**e**)(**n**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

contagious

**-**

…

…

…

**x**

I've gone to a psychiatrist before. A few actually. They make me paranoid as hell though, so I never really got anything out of it.

This one son of a bitch was the worst. I went to him when I was ten or so. He had one glass eye and a cane and this air about him like he was some kind of genius.

"Call me Doctor Danzou," he told me at my first appointment. A real charmer.

The last appointment was the worst. He was great at pissing me off; my temper was awful back then and this guy was great at pushing the wrong buttons, especially that day.

"Mister Uzumaki," he said. He never called me by my first name. He liked to talk down to me. "What would you like to talk about today?"

I squirmed uncomfortably in the cushy chair. The wine-red leather almost swallowed me up. "I dunno," I eventually muttered, face growing hot and all too aware as the awkwardness set in.

"How about... _family_?"

I shrugged, crossing my arms across my chest.

"Can you define what you think a _family_ is?"

I stared determinedly down at the stylish carpet. "Um... I don't... A mom, and a dad, and kids and stuff? Maybe a dog?"

He smirked. It was way too condescending for my short-temper. "And? What else do you think?"

"And..." I began twisting my fingers in my lap, still not looking up, trying to restrain the thoughts, those dark violent turbulent thoughts whirling in the recesses of my mind. I swallowed, and it sounded way too loud in the small office. The walls began closing in. "And..."

The smirk was still on his face. His pen scratched loudly across his keyboard. He nodded.

"I dunno," I mutter miserably once more, bringing my knees up and resting my chin on them.

"Mm-hmm," he hummed. Scratch scratch scratch. I wanted to take his clipboard and make him swallow it. He suddenly looked up at my face, making my heart momentarily skip a beat.

Doctor Danzou lifted one silver eyebrow. Only his good eye was trained on me. On the scars on my cheeks. I pressed my face further into my knees, reigning in the anger, anger, anger.

"Mister Uzumaki," he said. "You look upset. Does this topic upset you? Does the word _family_ upset you?"

I shook my head.

"Then what's upsetting you?"

I peeked up with narrowed eyes, my nostrils flaring. The control flew from my body.

_**Now.**_

That is the day I put a fifty-seven-year-old psychiatrist in the hospital.

**x**

The Supervisor comes over to my bed, yanks me up via my arm.

"H-hey!" I say, raw consuming panic eating my stomach. "I-- Stop! What're--"

Kabuto shoves at my back and I stumble out into the hall. Other patients are filing out like the walking dead towards the Cafeteria for lunch. The Supervisor re-grabs my arms and pulls me along the current. The more lucid patients give me nervous, pitying gazes like they _know_.

Among the sea of crazies, I spot Sasuke. He catches my eye, notices my predicament, and narrows his eyes. I think he mouths something to me, but I can't be sure.

We reach the therapy room. Kabuto steps forward, punches in the key code. Real elite-like. My heartbeat hits my throat.

(oh oh god oh god god why no no no)

He hits the switch on the small In Session box and it lights up warningly, a glowing red.

The large metal door swings open. I am thrust inside. The Supervisor moves to one corner of the room, doing his job, eyes ever-watchful. Kabuto steps in behind me.

The room is very hot. Too hot. Other than that, it is nothing remarkable. A fold-up chair sits in the middle of the room. The fluorescent lighting makes everything shine a bright white. Not comforting, but better than expected.

"Sit," Kabuto orders.

I scowl but obey. The chair is wobbly, one leg missing the small rubber stopper on the end. Kabuto smiles, glasses flashing. I rest my arms on the arms of the chair and only realize there are restraints when the Supervisor comes forward to wrap them around my wrists and forearms.

"We can't take any chances," Kabuto explains amicably as the other man moves away to resume his guarding position. "You do have some... violent tendencies."

I lift an eyebrow. "Really? Never noticed."

"I'm glad you have a sense of humor, Mister Uzumaki. You're going to need it."

Then he turns towards the door, opens it. The Supervisor walks out. He follows.

"Hey!" I call out against my better judgement. "Hey, wait! What--"

The door slams closed.

"What..." I breathe, glancing around the room. No windows, no cameras that I can see. "What the hell..."

I pull at the restraints, testing them. No give. I huff, wondering if they will come back anytime soon.

I look up at the ceiling. The lights kill my eyes, so I look at the floor. The reflection of the light on the tile kills my eyes. I am forced to stare forward at the blank wall.

After five minutes, I begin to tap a beat out on the floor with my foot. But for some reason I can't keep the rhythm. So I stop.

I glance around the room for the thousandth time a while later. Feels like a half hour or so.

"This place needs some serious redecorating," I say aloud to the blank empty room.

The fluorescent lights hum.

**x**

I lift my legs up. I put them down. I try my best to forcefully forget the itch on my nose. My back aches, my neck aches, my eyes feel sore from all of the white light.

I've been trying to fall asleep, but I can't, and now I'm in some sort of miserably fatigued state where my eyes droop but do not close.

I yawn for the hundredth time, resting my chin against my chest uselessly.

**x**

Sweat trickles down my temples in a narrow but steady stream.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

I shake my head to rid it of the salty liquid and instead succeed in increasing its speed.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

**x**

"Fuck it," I whisper to myself, rubbing my tired eyes and sweaty forehead against the starched shoulder of my shirt. "Fuck it all."

Why do I feel like I wanna cry?

_**Weak.**_

**x**

"Hinata," I whimper. Her image flickers into my pounding head, surrounded by beautiful white lights like the ones above my head.

"I miss you."

_**Weak.**_

So much.

**x**

(madness is not insanity it is blankness it is a white room it is bright lights and bad thoughts and not being able to keep with the rhythm it is being off beat and not realizing until you are strapped to a chair falling apart at the seams hurting hurting hurting too bright missing numbing everything no clarity no no no weak too weak freedom is madness is freedom and i am i am i am eyes blind with white light wrath so so so much anger but numb hurting why why why why why)

**x**

"_Just as every cop is a criminal_," I sing brokenly, quietly, much too slowly. "_And all the sinners saints_."

I bob my head. "_As heads is tails just call me Lucifer._"

The tears on my face are slow and fat and hot, but goddamn, goddamn I'm going to finish if it kills me, I'm...

_**Weak.**_

"_I'm in need of some restraint_."

**x**

…

…

…

-

(umm. i shouldn't write this story at like 3 in the morning...)

(naruto's song: _Sympathy with the Devil_ by the Rolling Stones)

(sorry, not as much naruto!overload next chapter.)

(but the REAL therapy will begin. i think. i don't really know, these things tend to write themselves...)

(shutter island was _awesome_.)

(i'm a sucker for movies like that. and i'm not afraid to admit that i am a shameless leo fangirl.)

(oh leo. let's accept our (obviously mutual) love for each other.)

(...you had me at titanic.)

;)

-

**-PM-**


	18. insidious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(ok. so.)

(reason for my missing person's act this time is a death in the family. and then me getting sick for about three weeks straight. plus a loooot of personal problems that i won't be sharing. fun stuff.)

(and now i hav about 20 APs to take. yeah, i'm one of those kids. and my eye's infected i think. but i don't want to be a downer.)

(SO BE HAPPY AND SMILE DAMMIT.)

(_PM fact of the day_: my favorite color is purple. and because friends and family buy me so many purple things now, it's kind of an obsession.)

(srsly. my room is sick. purple bed and purple carpet and bright green walls.)

(try to contain your jealousy.)

(psychedelic, yo.)

x

…

…

…

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

(**e**)(**i**)(**g**)(**h**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

insidious

…

…

…

**x**

"Stop crying," Foster Dad of the Moment said to me, shooting me with a narrow glance. He gestured to the television as a commercial for Bud Light was wrapping up. "The game's on."

**x**

"Shh," Fake Mom hissed at me, then returned back to her phone call. "No, no, go ahead, I'm not busy."

**x**

"Uh, yeah, sure. I'll--" Tap tap tapping away at a keyboard, squinting at the screen. "I'll try and be there. If I can make it."

**x**

"Look, Le-- Nic--Maru-- Whatever your name is, I don't have time for this."

**x**

"Maybe some other time."

**x**

I chew harshly on my bottom lip, and sweat still rolls over my skin like squirming bugs. A chill snakes its way up my spine so suddenly that I jump a little against the restraints.

My mouth is as empty and dry as a desert. I think if I try to talk, my voice might crack into pieces and fall onto the floor like shards of a broken glass window. Out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow, but every time I try and get a good look at it, it dances away, a teasing slip of black.

The room spins; like a cheap carnival ride. Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times--

I blink. It makes the edges of my eyelids burn and sting. A tear leaks out of the corner of my left eye. Then one from the right follows suit. I grind my teeth together and try my best to wipe the wetness from my face with the shoulder of my shirt, but the restraints holding me back make it hard.

When I shift, the chair tilts, the short leg without a stopper falling against tile with a soft _clack!_ and then when I shift again, _click!_, and the weight rests back on the other legs. I do this a few times.

God, my eyes burn.

**x**

I think it might be days before that big heavy door finally opens again.

Kabuto smiles at me, and I stare back at him blankly, my lips feelings tight and cracked and thin and my eyes irritated as all hell. My face is stiff with dried tears.

The door closes without noise.

"Hello, Naruto."

His voice is slicker than oil.

"Are you ready to talk now?"

I blink slowly; once, twice.

And my abrupt laugh is drier than old bones.

**x**

I stumble out into the hallway like a drunk before I catch myself. The Supervisor next to me is expressionless. I try to mirror his empty face and just wind up grinning instead. My bottom lip cracks a little. I feel a drop of blood bead at the split and lick it away.

"How long was I in there?" I ask in my hollow voice. "How many days was I in there for?"

I frown deeply when he doesn't answer me. "Hey. Hey, how many? How many days? How long--"

His deep brown eyes silence me immediately.

"A few hours."

The blood on my mouth falls and runs down my lip. A drop hits the collar of my starched shirt and stains it.

I take his answer to mean that a few hours can be stretched to eternity.

When he leads me to the cafeteria instead of my room, and I realize dinner has not even ended, I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

He shoves me through the doorway, and when I catch my balance I glance up at the room. Then I walk with my head down to my usual seat and fall into it heavily.

Sasuke pushes his untouched tray towards me.

I shake my head, staring at my hands in my lap, watching the interesting way my fingers curl and the small bones in my knuckles shift under the skin. I bring one hand up and chew anxiously at a nail.

"Hey," Sasuke calls firmly. I glance up through my bangs and realize how messy and unkempt my hair has gotten.

His eyes are unreadable. It makes me frown. His gaze sizes me up, and then he leans back in his seat and sighs heavily.

We sit there like that for another few minutes. Silent. I begin tapping my foot as I chew at my hang-nail. The taste in my mouth is somewhere between blood and putrescence.

A Supervisor walks by, and I curl in on myself a little more, but when he looks down at me I hold his gaze steadily. The Supervisor must not like that. His hand reaches out and knocks the tray of food onto the floor.

I flinch violently at the sound it makes when it smashes into the tiles. Sasuke sits up straighter. The room goes still as everyone turns to watch with hungry eyes. Two more Supervisors come up.

But I'm still keeping my eyes on the first guy's glaring stare.

He waves his hand at the mess. "Pick it up."

My eyes narrow. My hand falls to my side, away from my mouth. "What?" my raspy voice responds on autopilot.

"Pick. It. _Up_."

My hands curl into fists, so hard that I feel a pulse ring through them, and everywhere else in the room goes hazy as I focus intently on the Supervisor's eyes, his soulless, empty, gray eyes--

_**KILL HIM.**_

The urge is so sudden and strong that I must wince outwardly, and as whispers fill my ears I realize I can't distinguish their source-- the room or my head.

(kill him kill him kill him kill)

(they're all the same all empty and dark and wicked)

(poor little boy poor poor poor you)

(be a man and crush the life out of him)

_**KILL HIM.**_

Sasuke steps heavily on my foot under the table and I am snapped back into reality.

No, his eyes tell me when I look at him angrily.

The Supervisor shoves at my shoulder. Some patient a few tables over with big frizzy hair throw her hands over her mouth, like an overdramatic actress.

With trembling fingers, I pick the tray up and put it back on the table.

The Supervisor laughs. "There's a good little freak." He pats the top of my head like I'm an animal.

I breathe heavily through my nose as they walk away, the room spinning and red and turbulent as I grip the edges of the knife-scarred table harshly.

I open my eyes narrowly to look at Sasuke again.

"You have to pick your battles here," he tells me quietly. The hum of the cafeteria comes back to life with his words, but I can still fell my pulse pound in all corners of my head.

"I... I d-don't like being treated like, like," I struggle to find the right words, my mind so hazy with rage. I breathe some more.

"Like you're nothing?" Sasuke finishes for me.

I nod, slowly, my voice still sounding shaky. "Like I'm nothing," I agree.

He pauses. "What did they d--" He shakes his head. "What did they ask you?"

I think of the white room and heat and fatigue that will never be washed away. I run my hands over my face, and blink in surprise when they come back wet.

"Everything," I finally croak.

Sasuke isn't looking at me. I swipe at my face again, because I don't _feel_ like I'm crying.

"Okay," Sasuke eventually says. "Okay, it's not a big deal."

"But, I... They know everything you told me yesterday."

"So what? It's nothing they didn't know already."

I shake my head and the room spins once more. "But they know that you told me."

Sasuke shrugs. "What's the worst they could do?"

"They'll probably put you in therapy again," I tell him. He doesn't answer to that. I wring my hands in my lap once more. "Dammit. He didn't even _do_ anything, and I _still_... But..."

"They exploit whatever they can. They know what works." He eyes me. "It wasn't your fault."

I bite at my nail again.

Sasuke clears his throat. "I'm... I shouldn't even be here," he says. "But when I go in that room, when they... I feel like I deserve to be here. Like I really am... insane."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "Then tell me why you need to stay here," I say.

He shakes his head. "I can't now. They'll get to you again, whether you want them to or not."

I feel anger flare up in my stomach again, but crush it back down. "Fine," I bite out. "But I'm not leaving until--"

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Right. Your promise. Got it."

We get up to leave, realizing many of the other patients are already filing into the hall.

"Sasuke," I say, and he stops. "Whatever your reason is, it's important, right?"

I think of Sakura's lifeless body, of Hinata's face behind the glass door of the old hospital, of the committed people in here walking around like their souls left them a long time ago.

"Yeah," Sasuke finally answers, looking away. "Yeah, it's pretty important."

I nod. "Good."

We leave.

**x**

…

…

…

(AHH! real monsters.)

(i miss my other characters.)

(though it is easier keeping track of these guys.)

(soo i've kind of been growing out of this whole _Naruto_ thing for a while. like a lot of other fans, the series just doesn't do it for me anymore.)

(don't worry, i won't stop updating my stories in the fandom.)

(buuut i'm thinking of delving into some other categories.)

(as in non-anime/manga.)

(maybe some _House _and _Four Brothers_? yes?)

(yikes.)

(any other suggestions?)

**-PM-**


	19. pious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(thank god school is over.)

('nyways. if this chapter starts to confuse you, IT SHOULD.)

(naruto's thoughts are actually gonna become more disjointed and odd, cuz i want to give him a more realistic schizophrenia-perception.)

(_PM fact of the day_: MUSIC-MUSIC-MUSIC.)

(i always have it playing. my ipod headphones are practically glued to my ears and i am a youtube addict. i looove my music.)

(it keeps me sane.)

(... kind of.)

(what's your favorite music darlings? momma wants to know!)

**x**

…

…

…

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

(**n**)(**i**)(**n**)(**e**)(**t**)(**e**)(**e**)(**n**)

pious

…

…

…

**x**

Once I told Iruka I didn't believe in God. The first thing he did was drag my sorry sinning ass to the nearest church. I don't know if it's wrong to say this, but the service was long and dull, and everyone listening to the priest acted like robots, standing at the same time and chanting with identical monotone voices.

I'm not an atheist or anything. I don't _not_ believe in religion, I just... disregard it. I guess. No one should have the right to claim what is and isn't true.

Too bad.

I could really use something to believe in.

**x**

Days pass, blurring into blocks of indistinguishable time.

And I can feel it. Every day without my meds, without sanity around me, without anything remotely happy.

I'm losing it.

**x**

I'm humming some song that was always on the radio before I was committed. I don't know what's always on the radio now. Music is too raw and pure for places like this.

I've become so used to the wailing and crying and laughing leaking from the walls; it's kinda this pleasant white noise now, humming in my ears like a swarm of bees in springtime, fat and swollen and black-gold.

_**You're getting worse.**_

(sick sick sick twisted little pieces in your head)

(black mind empty mind hollow mind)

I grip the sheets tightly. The itch for my meds in unbelievably painful. I think of my green pills, my beautiful green pills that make the sounds go away, and I moan lightly.

The walls are closing in, like the room wants to eat me. The bed is its tongue, the tiles its teeth, the bright white mouth of a movie star.

"The world," I say, whisper, scream, out loud, in my head, "wants to swallow me."

**x**

Sasuke's spacing out and letting the fingers of his left hand dance against the table in agitation. He's left-handed. They used to say that was a sign of the Devil, I think.

He spots me.

"Shit," he says, gaze roving over my sorry self. "Fuck. You've been off your meds too long, haven't you?"

"Sasuke," I say, alarmed, falling heavily into my chair because I am a weightless dummy. "Sasuke, my room, the walls, the walls are laughing-"

"Fuck," he says again. The Devil's word. "What medicine do you usually take?"

"You're left-handed," I remind him. "That means, that means... it means you're bad, it's a devil sign-"

"Naruto," he says. My eyes flicker around the room, because _someone_ has to check on the walls.

"Naruto, _focus_."

"Rip... Risper..." I blink, looking up at the ceiling, watching everything blur.

_**Make the world fade away.**_

"Risperidone?"

I lean back, hands gripping my chair, my anchor. "Mm. Made me... fatter. And shaky. But made the noises go away." I sniff for no reason. "My ear itches."

_**Scratch.**_

I scratch my ear.

Sasuke looks at me funny. I grin sloppily at him.

He slides a hand over his face and curses again. The world spins. His voice is slow and muffled to me as he says, "This place... _Dam_mit."

"All... Damned," I say gravely.

Sasuke looks up at me. His eyes are dark and intense. I think of the black darkness of closets, like that closet my foster father locked me in when I was five, and it was small, so small and black as pitch, and-

"That's it. I can't wait anymore."

"Huh?" I say. I hear music coming from somewhere, but cannot find its source.

"I've been patient, but this is taking too long. Everyone back at Konoha, everyone here... I can't afford to take my time."

The song is a mournful one, a requiem for broken promises and dead dreams and shattered lives littered with green pills.

"It just- _Shit_. Why is this so screwed up?"

"The walls," I murmur.

Sasuke shakes his head, an unreadable look on his face. He swipes a hand over his face once more, steeling himself, shields and barriers and sickly pointed things.

"Just..." He shakes his head and says no more. He stands up.

_**Listen. **_

The invisible music ascends into a heart-quaking crescendo, trilling black violins and bone-white chapel bells, as Sasuke stands-

-picks up his tray-

-and smashes the nearest Supervisor over the head with it.

It clatters to the ground.

The music stops.

"The walls," I say, as the Cafeteria descends into chaos.

**x**

…

…

…

(did you miss my cliffhangers? i bet you did.)

(longer than last chapter. wanted it to be longer, but had to stop it there.)

(OMG GUYZ IT'S ALMOST FINISHED. AH. SAD. but overdue, LOL.)

(and watching the 40-year-old virgin while writing this did not help.)

(i'm going to see toy story 3 tomorrow.)

(hell yeah.)

(and go watch _Durarara! _because it kicks Naruto's ass and i've been keeping up with it since the first episode and it's almost over too.)

(wah.)

(well, that's what fanfiction is for.)

**-PM-**


	20. bilious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(ok guys and gals, PM is gonna attempt to be srs.)

(haha.)

(no, but really, the support i get from the majority of all of you? it amazes me.)

(i haven't been able to really write for many personal reasons and yet the amount of feedback i get regardless of my inactivity? unbelievably awesome.)

(not even just the faves hits and reviews and such; so many PMs came my way from you people. got me feelin' all warm and fuzzy.)

(so many many thanks for making fanfic worth ittttt.)

(and here's your looong overdue update.)

(_PM fact of the day_: i'm a new yorker, baby.)

(that's right. yankees, orgasmic food, and more snow than we know what to do with.)

(what state/country are you guys representinggg?)

(enjoy the madness, bitches.)

(hugznkisses)

**x**

…

…

…

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

(**t**)(**w**)(**e**)(**n**)(**t**)(**y**)

bilious

…

…

…

**x**

I held a gun once.

It was cool and smooth in my fingers, which were too small to wrap around the widest part. It was a dull silver color.

I examined it, probably too young to really grasp the fact that I was cradling Death between my palms.

I peered into the barrel, that little dark tunnel that the bullet is supposed to fly through, then turned it around and aimed like a fucking cowboy. Pretended to pull the trigger.

(bang bang)

Pretended another person was standing at the other end of it, begging for mercy.

(bang)

Blew at the tip as if a plume of smoke had been snaking out of it.

(just call me john wayne)

Then I placed it back into the drawer of my Foster Dad's night-table. Right beside his Bible and rosary beads.

And that was the end of that.

**x**

I'm back in my room, sitting on the floor, humming, tiles cold through the thin material of my uniform. The door is wide open, the big gap of a hole in the wall, yawning at me and growing largerlargerbigger. Footsteps are smacking the ground out in the halls, Supervisors herding the rioting patients like cattle.

(when people run in circles)

Sasuke had gotten dragged away immediately, the Supervisor he hit looking dazed as his fellows rushed in. Sasuke didn't fight back, and a couple good shots to the head and back of the neck knocked him out cold, left him pale and limp like a rag doll on the ground.

(it's a very, very mad world)

"Fuck!" shouted the Supervisor who had gotten hit, rubbing at his head. "Fucking lunatic!"

The Cafeteria was filled with shouts and laughter and cries, patients throwing things and swarming around the room like animals in a zoo. Supervisors and pale imitations of nurses made attempts to calm them, using a fusion of condescending baby talk and physical force.

(mad world)

The Supervisor had taken one look at Sasuke, an immobile lump of bones and sickly white skin and dull clothing, and had thrown a vicious kick into his side. Sasuke hadn't twitched, but his body fell over onto his side, so the Supervisor took another kick, face set in a deep demon-like scowl, and Sasuke rolled onto his back.

I had shaken my head, and as the Supervisor lined up for yet another kick, I jumped over the table screaming words in a tongue so foreign that even I couldn't understand it, but my promise, I promised, and then two Supervisors had come from either side and grabbed my arms, dragging me out of the crazy scene, and as I was yanked bodily out of the Cafeteria Kabuto was walking in, stressed, silver ponytail sloppy and glasses crooked, and I laughed derisively at him, and then the last thing I saw of Sasuke was a Supervisor dragging him up off the floor by the collar of his shirt, and I thought, he's going to wrinkle that, and before I knew it I was thrown into my room and the Supervisors ran out with a stern "Stay!" and left the door wide open, a gaping wound in the paintwork, and-

And that was the end of that.

**x**

I never even notice the exact moment everything's quiet again. I shut my own door, the odd chorus of lunacy outside too much for my ears, making them bleed deep and proud.

But eventually the chaos dies and all I hear is a single patient moaning. Moaning like a ghost from Scooby-Doo, like some stupid man with a grudge and a mask and a spooky house.

I shiver.

My room has gotten smaller. The walls close in another few inches everyday, but they wait until I leave the room to move.

I lift my hands, rub at the scars on my face.

**_Blemished._**

I drop my hands.

I yank my sorry excuse for a pillow down onto the ground and fall into a restless sleep.

**x**

I don't know what time or day it is when my door finally opens. It might've been a minute, might've been a lifetime since I feel asleep.

The door opens, but I keep my eyes closed, pressing a cheek against the unheated floor.

"Let's go Uzumaki," a voice I don't recognize commands roughly.

"Go away Kyuubi," I moan, slapping hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut so tight that fireworks explode behind my eyelids.

A thick hand grabs my arm and yanks. I stumble up to my feet and open only one eye, to leave the other unspoiled.

It's a Supervisor. Maybe the one Sasuke whacked, if the ugly bruise at his temple is more than a hallucination.

"Let's go," he repeats, voice rougher.

I open my other eye and follow him warily out of the room. But when we get in the hallway, I pause, staring him up and down, up and down.

(oh god oh god nononono)

I fall to my knees and a sob is ripped from my throat, then a moan. The Supervisor comes over to grab me again, but this time I yank back, dry sobs jumping out of my throat like poisonous toads.

"What the hell, are you crazy _and_ retarded?"

(nonononononononoNONONO)

"My wagon," I tell him, "You stole it and I need it."

He has it, he must have it, I _need_ it.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, grow a pair and let's _go_."

He rolls his eyes, and I think, he's reading my mind, he's looking into me, every sick little part, every twisted inch.

I shudder, my sobs ceasing immediately.

"Stop it," I tell him, "Stop, please, I'll do anything, just stop."

"Okay, that's enough," he hisses, using both hands to shove me to my feet, and when I go to crumple back down he holds me up and practically drags me down the hall.

We reach Orochimaru's office, and he opens the door to deposit me inside, special delivery, who gives a fuck about the shipping and handling fees when the product's worth it.

Orochimaru smiles a wolf's grin from behind his desk.

"Hello, Naruto."

I stand up, lean against the wall, not answering, just nodding a little and rocking back and forth.

"Are you doing well?"

I shake my head slowly, lift a hand to trace a scar on my cheek once more.

"That's a shame," he says, but the smile is still there.

"Naruto, can I ask you something?" I hear faintly, but he's background noise, dull static, like TV snow. I have my eyes focused on his window, the one little ray of pinkish sunlight I can see peeking out between a thin crack in the curtains. Dust dances in the dull light, fairy magic.

"Naruto."

I swallow the heavy lump in my throat. "The cat ate the fairy."

"Pardon?"

"Cat thought the fairy was a bird and... Chomp!"

Orochimaru rises, but I barely notice his figure at the corner of my vision.

"Naruto, can you tell me what Sasuke Uchiha said to you before the incident in the Cafeteria earlier?"

I grin at him. "You think I'm _cra_zy."

"Uzumaki-"

"But _you're_ crazy, crazy like the cat who ate the fairy."

He sighs. "Very well, you can return to your room. I'll deal with you later."

I keep my eyes on the dying light.

"Where is he?"

"Hmm? Do you mean Mr. Uchiha?" The sly grin is back. "Oh, he's being... handled."

"Blossom's crying white tears."

His thin eyes narrow. He shakes his head in confusion, the idiot, and then pauses, considering.

"Do you mean that atrocious Haruno girl back at Konoha?"

But I'm already halfway out the door.

**x**

…

…

…

(almost doneeee.)

(the plot thickens. ... not really.)

(much revealed in the following chapters though.)

(_Mad World_ is a song originally by Tears for Fears, later covered by Gary Jules and then Adam Lambert on American Idol.)

(BUT OK, TELL ME YOU GUYS WATCH SUPERNATURAL? PLEASE?)

(i want the new episode to air. like, yesterday.)

(sam and dean! love 'em.)

(that's why i'm writing a short multi-chap in that particular fandom.)

(that you will all read.)

(see ya later, hoes.)

**-PM-**


	21. judicious

(**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_**im**_disclaiming_)

(wuzzup wuzzup.)

(thanks for the love last chapter.)

(dude, i got my cartilage pierced over christmas break and i can't freaking wait 'til i can take it out for the first time.)

(so. close.)

(_PM fact of the day_: i plan on being an english teacher, although i originally planned on doing elementary education.)

(who knows, i could always switch.)

(but god help the children that fall under my tutelage.)

(:D)

(what're your future career plans?)

(and for the love of pikachu, are there any males who read my stories?)

(not that i don't love my soul sisters. PM is just curious.)

**x**

…

…

…

_peppermint swirls and stutterbug girls_

(**t**)(**w**)(**e**)(**n**)(**t**)(**y**)(**-**)(**o**)(**n**)(**e**)

judicious

…

…

…

**x**

"Hold still," Gaara told me sharply. It was one of his better days, when he acted only mildly psychotic and I could stand to look into his unfocused eyes.

I straightened my spine obligingly and tried veryvery hard not to cry, the apple on my head weighing as heavy as my reluctance. Gaara grinned, crooked and sideways and wrong, and poised with the bow and arrow up, the ones he stole from the gym at school, face set in complete stone.

"G-gaara," I said for the millionth time, and the smile died. His face was smooth and pale as a baby's, but it had the look of something much older about it. "Maybe-"

Before I could finish, he released the arrow.

I shouted, flinching away, apple tumbling off my head and into the grass. When I looked up, I was shaking and I could feel hot tears leaking out onto my cheeks.

The arrow sailed through the space where my heart would have been.

I looked over at Gaara.

"Pity," was all he said.

That was the first time I heard him laugh.

**x**

"Hold still," the Supervisor tells me sharply. He wraps the bandage around my wrist nice and tight, and I keep my face steeled, like a soldier, a warrior, a fighter facing his opponent does not show weakness.

It is days, weeks, months, years since I have last seen a friendly face. Sasuke might be dead. Hinata must be sick with worry back at Konoha, Sakura sick with drugs and misplaced hope.

Earlier today, I had found a razor blade hidden away behind a loose tile in the floor. There was dried blood on it, browned life force caked against cold steel, what we all are reduced to. I'd held it between my fingers, running the tips over the edge of the blade in curiosity

(killed the cat killed it dead)

I'd sliced my finger a little by accident, like a paper cut. And I kept my face steeled.

I watched the tiny line of blood materialize out of nowhere, believed it to be some sort of sorcery or evil scientific experiment, the modern man's dark magic. Brow furrowed, I'd brought the blade to my wrist and

(wound wound wound wound wound)

And here. Now I'm here.

"Look," I say to the Supervisor, "Look at what I did."

He rolls his eyes, but I know he is impressed.

I glance again at the corner of the sterile (muchmuchmuch too sterile, too white, too pure and cold) room, where ceiling and walls converge. The little black camera is still there. A blinking red light announces its presence like a lighthouse beacon. I squint at it. Make faces at it. Abhor it.

_**Who's watching?**_

"Goddamit, stay _still_."

My wrist feels stiff and tight with the scratchy gauzed wrapped around it. I lift that hand, point towards the camera.

"Who's watching?"

He looks over at the corner in exasperation, confusedly regards my focus point, says, "Don't know what the hell you're talking about, there's nothing there."

_**Liar.**_

I glare at him through half-lidded eyes, considering.

**x**

It's _suffocating_ me.

I tear at the snake around my wrist, shouting, screaming, sobbing, gotta get it off have to get it off god help somebody helphelphelp the bandage is gone there's a snake trying to squeeze the life out of my arm, I can feel my hand go numb and the hiss of its breath the tips of its fangs oh god nonononononononononononono-

And then the door to my room bursts open, two monsters come in, so much worse, just so much worse than even before when it was just a boa constrictor on my wrist. The two monsters are disguised like Supervisors, and they hold me down to the bed, shout things at me in deep, hellish voices.

It is more constricting than any serpent.

**x**

The next time I wake up I am in a chair and I cannot move my arms or legs. The therapy room looms around me menacingly.

When I glance down at my wrist, I see it is naked of bandage or snake, covered in dried blood and fingernail scratches, a landscape of carnage with a two-inch radius, a battered field across my skin. The razor cut is long and thin and dark.

Sometimes you get battle scars fighting yourself, too.

When I lift my head, it is so heavy that I think they must have filled it with sand while I was knocked out with whatever drugs they pumped me with. I let it hang low, shakily glance up at the odd angle instead, and immediately scrunch my eyes closed with a grimace.

The room is much too bright and constricting.

The door opens, closes, and I keep my head down.

"Hello, Naruto."

Orochimaru.

"Snake," I whisper into my collarbone, voice raspy. From here I can again see the raw redness of my wrist.

A sickly white hand comes forward, grabs my chin roughly and pushes up. I cry out.

"Look me in the eye when you talk to me Uzumaki," Orochimaru murmurs, and I glance up into his face, as fish-belly pale as the rest of him.

"That's better." He drops my chin, folds his arms across his chest, his business suit a cheap mockery. "I heard there was a problem earlier."

I don't answer, just glare.

"Tsk," he says. "We don't like problems here, you know. We have special solutions for such things."

I shiver.

"I know you had fun with Dr. Kabuto during your last visit here, hmm? Played a little Q and A."

I grunt.

"Maybe we can do the same."

A muscle in my jaw twitches.

"Good boy." He smiles sweetly. "Now, can you tell me what Sasuke Uchiha has spoken with you about since your last visit?"

"Nothing," I tell him, eyes darting around the room in panic, the walls now spinning. I feel sick and jumpy and unbalanced, as if the chair will tip me out onto the floor without my consent.

He narrows his thin eyes at me, bright as liquid amber. "Tell me what Tsunade has to do with it."

**_He's trying to confuse you._**

**_Make him pay._**

"I don't- you're trying to confuse, make me crazy, but it won't work."

"Why did _you_ come here Uzumaki? What reason did you have to transfer?"

I laugh. Promises are sacred though, too good and pure and trusting for Orochimaru, so I just shake my head. "Mind your own beeswax," I sing to him, even while I think _I made a failure of a promise_.

He sighs. "I would prefer not to have to use more forceful means, you know. I suggest you stop being thick-headed and just answer the questions."

**_Make him pay like we've payed._**

I narrow my eyes, feel my lungs go tight.

"You make me feel dead inside," I tell him, because it is the truth.

And that is when his face turns thunderous. He stalks forward, pale pianist finger jump up to wrap around my throat, and his expression is deceptively calm, like me, like a perfect little soldier, an android, devoid devoid devoid.

I choke on the laughter that bubbles like vomit in my throat.

_**Make him pay with blood and hurt and sickness.**_

His fingers close tighter, and a sound escapes my throat like a wounded animal. That is what I am.

"Listen to me, you little shit-"

And then the door flies open, and the sounds of shouting and muffled speech lays itself like a backdrop in the room.

Footsteps sound on linoleum. Tap tap tap out an uneven beat.

A police officer walks inside with his gun raised. Other cops flood in behind him, line that wall, trap us with authority and deadly weapons.

Orochimaru's hands drop immediately, and up goes the false smile, a wicked manipulation tactic of the ages. "Gentlemen," he coos, "If you'll excuse me we have a therapy session going on at the moment-"

"Put your hands up and try not to give me a reason to shoot you like the animal you are." The officer's voice is cold.

Orochimaru scowls, and obeys.

"Animal animal animal-" I chant lowly, blinking owlishly at the room as weapons are lowered and the cop at the door walks forward to wrench Orochimaru's arms back for the handcuffs gleaming there. "Animal animal animal-"

"Orochimaru, you are under arrest for assault, illegal distribution of narcotics, the endangerment of minors, illegal experimentation, and manslaughter."

(animal animal animal animal)

"You have the right to remain silent-"

(animal animal animal animal animal)

There are men undoing the straps on my arms and legs, placating me with soft words of pity and encouragement as Orochimaru is led out of the room, but I stay frozen in my chair, chanting, letting them know-

(animal animal we are all animals)

The lone female officer walks forward slowly, as if I am dangerous or skittish and oh, oh if only they knew.

**_They want to cage you._**

(animal)

Her hand touches my shoulder. I wince, and the uneven chair topples over with the force of my flinch, the ground rushing up to meet me like a long-forgotten friend.

I welcome it.

When my head hits the tiled floor, I feel my skull bounce from the impact, then a humming.

Then nothing.

**x**

…

…

…

(confused?)

(you should be.)

(hmm kind of half-done with a sasusaku oneshot. if i like it, it'll be up soon enough.)

(unf.)

(don't really like the way this chapter came out. maybe i'll edit it laterrrr.)

(but hey, WHAT IS THIS. PLOT DEVELOPMENT? I BELIEVE SO.)

(and another cliffhanger-ish ending.)

("dude. wth is going on?")

(ikr.)

('til next time.)

**-PM-**


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